Monday, December 7, 2009

Lord, you reign

Yes.  You reign.  Over all things.  And I am finding myself needing to remind myself of that today.  I am finding I need to cling to the hope I have in You. I am finding myself in a place where it is so easy to wallow in self-pity but I keep pressing in to You.  I am thankful that I can turn to and cling to you; I know I wouldn't get through this without You.  I also know that I don't need to inform You of what my problem is - You know.  And You are not surprised by this turn of events; You are not wringing Your hands, freaking out, saying, "How did this happen?  When was I going to be told?!"

You reign.  Your word remains true.  No matter the circumstances, no matter the pain of the moment. You are my God, my King. You are good.  That is all I need to hold on to.  That is all I am willing to hold on to.  I am not willing to hold on to the broken heart that beats in my chest or the feelings of inadequecy, rejection and abandonment I am currently feeling.

My friends, I am having a struggle today.  I got a text from Rus that she is now not going to come to our house for Christmas.  Maybe sometime during the holidays but she doesn't know when.  I say, don't do us any favors.  Well, I didn't say that to her but I did tell her that she may want to let us know when she wants to see us because we may not be here.

My heart, if I were to be honest with you, is broken but I know it isn't shattered and I have faith in God, faith in Jesus, that He will, not only make new my heart, but restore the relationship I did have with my daughter.

This will be my first Christmas without her - ever.  That is a difficult pill to swallow.  It is not "My child is not with me this Christmas".  It is a case of "my child wants nothing to do with me this Christmas".  Rejection sucks but I am chosing to get over it, move on and not let it ruin our Christmas...

2 comments:

  1. Sounds like you are going through a difficult time. I will pray that everything will work out alright for you. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

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  2. I am so sad for you. I am praying that your Christmas will still be a blessing to you!

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