I don't want this to be wordy. I know that people have busy lives and reading a bunch of wordy blogs is not how you want to spend your day. Short, sweet, to the point, right? I will try. I have been processing this since last Sunday. It was a powerful service. I left emotionally drained, spiritually charged and a changed woman.
God spoke to me about my response, about how we do not know how to give a proper response to Him. Pastor Kevin said something that struck me; he said, "We don't love God the way we think we do; we're merely caught in a (religious) system." There's the story in Luke 16:19-31 about the rich man and the poor man (religious circles try to teach us that this has to do with money but that is merely touching the surface). This story is about a rich man and his brothers having the opportunity to have an encounter with God but they poured out their passions elsewhere. It is about a people who have lost their ability to respond to God.
God revealed to me that I don't respond to Him the way I truly should. I respond to Him through my past experiences, the mindsets and teachings I have had of who He is, my hurts, my fears, my disappointments - they all have affected how I respond to God. He told me that I have put walls up and hardened my heart because of Rush. And I see that now. I see where I can feel myself harden when I speak to her or see her status on her "secret" facebook page or when she wants to come for a visit. I was never really aware of that before this weekend. God showed me how those walls and that hardening are affecting the way I respond to Him as well.
A while back He kept bring these words to me "Desperate and hungry look like something". He then showed me a picture of the children of Africa, desperate and hungry for food. They are, in a sense, demanding when given the opportunity to eat. If we were to put them in a room full of food they would (after the shock or disbelief wore off) not sit and wait for us to politely give them their food. Given free run they would most likely run for that food, desperate for it for fear that it would be gone by the time they got there and there would be none left for them. (I don't know for sure; I am only speculating but that is the image that He showed me.)
It is time for me to shed the old responses I had and give to God, out of hunger and desperation to have an encounter with Him, the responses He truly deserves.
As I write this, I have been thinking too that those children in Africa, I think, they would get to a point where they are so hungry they no longer feel hungry. I think we, as Christians can get like that too - so lost in a religious system that we don't even realize we are lost.
All I know is His presence is ALL I need.
Hungry and desperate looks like SOMETHING! There are many things I know it doesn't look like and there are many ways I can assume it looks like. This weekend I choose to respond to God in a way unlike I ever have. I want for Him to rip out of me all the things that don't belong, all the things that hinder me and block me from Him! I want to respond to Him in a way that shows I am hungry and desperate for Him!!!
Think about it...
Hungry and desperate looks like SOMETHING!
What does it look like to you? At this point, I don't know if I know what it looks like but I am going to give my continual best until I achieve it.