Thursday, April 29, 2010

Regret

something one feels when one wakes from what they think they want, what they think is good and realize how desperate their situation really is.

I may be a sucker for punishment.  I keep track of my daughter through her "secret" *ahem* facebook acct.  You know, the one where we find out what is truly going on and not just what she wants certain people to see or know?  Yeah, that one.

I think, perhaps, I shouldn't.

After this weekend's fiasco and her apology which, I believe I said here, didn't feel sincere but more of a "sorry I got caught, embarrassed" kind of sorry, she facebooks (is that seriously a verb?!) how she "kinda got in trouble" and we kicked her out at 5 am.  Um, no, sweetheart, you decided to leave.  She figures she has talked her way out of it with her grandmother.  Gee, big shocker there.  Not really.  She then goes on to tell one of her friends that "it's all good, def worth it :) good weekend tho".

I try to be a person who speaks positive, who doesn't allow defeatism to enter into my thought process but, I do sometimes wonder just what will become of my daughter.  Will I end up burying her because of some horrific illness she contracts from her -um- extra curricular activities or because she meets up with the wrong crowd of guys or od's?  Will she end up a teen mom just as I did?  If so, welcome to the cycle, baby.  I don't want to think about any of these but those thoughts come and I need to nip them in the bud right now, take them captive.  In fact, I am not even going to finish the thought processes I had on this matter.  I take control over this and I refuse to be manipulated by my thoughts. Thankyouverymuch!

2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for all you are dealing with. I am praying for you and Rush. I went through some crazyness as a teenager too. But those who are taught as children WILL come back. He promises us!!!!! God bless you!

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  2. My friend, whom I talk to just about every weekday, and I were just saying to each other that we are not sure how we made it through our teen plus years. We didn't know each other at the time, but I really shouldn't be alive right now. I too was a Christian from a very early age, but wandered away from the path for some years. The Lord drew me back to him...one of his promises. He will leave the 99 to find the one lost sheep. I am so sorry for your continuing trial. Praying...

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