Never Satisfied

Why is it that we as women (primarily women, some men too) are rarely satisfied with our looks? Why is it that after 3 children, 3 c-sections & 4 pregnancies I am just as unsatisfied with my body as I was when I was a 20-something year old with a 5 foot 6 inch frame carrying a mere 100 lbs?

Why is it that, as a mother of 7 and grandma to 1, I can't look at my rolls, lumps and jiggles with a sense of pride and accomplishment? Have I not, in a sense, earned each and every one of these stretch marks and these hips that don't fit well into the latest trends? Why must we constantly run the race to beauty with the proverbial carrot dangling in front of our noses that we will never quite reach?

With maturity does one not gain insight into what is truly important, what is truly worth being sought after? Evidently not.  Perhaps I just have not reached maturation {grin} but I thought that at my, nearing, 37 years, that I was at least a bit closer than I was at 16.  It seems, however, that I have some sort of a glitch - instead of maturing, the self-image part of me has been retarded, stunted.

Let the record show, we are moms. We are real life people. We don't have personal trainers, personal chefs, personal stylists, personal nannies to care for our children so we can dedicate countless hours to our waist-lines, botox, yoga, nail appointments and what-not.  I can not allow myself to think that is an image I want for myself - it is unattainable {maybe that is why so many celebrities, um, losing their focus on reality.} For the record, I do not have skilled airbrushing personnel to ensure that my every appearance is flawless.

I am flawed. You are flawed. I will never be model thin, at least not again. I wasn't even happy with myself when I was. And I shall never strive for my happiness to be wrapped up in appearances. Appearances are as fleeting as the next gray hair.  I do know that I am needing to shed a few pounds. Not a lot. But in order to be at a nice "healthy" weight, I would like to see approximately 35 pounds gone. 

I'll let you in on a little secret though...

...I certainly am not going to let my joy or my happiness ride on 35 pounds...not anymore

And the beat goes on

and on and on...

That's what happens in the house of an up & coming 8 year old drummer with a passion for a beat...

...and loud. Yes, he has a passion for loud.

I know many of you know just what I am saying, especially one friend/reader in particular who has a few musicians (boy ones) living in her house. (While you're here, reading, follow the link and pop by her blog. She is a fantastic storyteller with some uber amazing makeagain recipes that will leave your mouth watering.)

Back to Bug, currently he is downstairs drumming away.  He's got a good beat going and is so loud the fish are swimming to his soundwaves...wish I were kidding.  They may have even tried to cover their ears with their fins...(ok ok...they don't have ears).

P.S. Why does it seem the only time my children fight is when I am trying to get ready to get them out the door?

P.P.S Why do I seem to feel the need to look at the floor to yell at them if they are on a lower level than me? Do I think they can see the "angry face" and make them listen quicker...

Yes, that is what it is like in our house...at least tonight...Heh, I won't front. Most of my life is great and I enjoy most moments.  I have joy that is limitless but, we have "family moments" like every one else...it's all in the way you handle things right? If you can end a fight with both opposing parties laughing with each other, it is a good moment.

Pie Are Squared

No they aren't; they are round but, that was the theme of today.  Today my baby, my youngest, my Bug turned 8 years old. I know! That's what I thought when I woke up this morning to! Kind of a 'Where in the dickens have the last 8 years gone and who was driving that speeding bus?' Maybe Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock got a hold of my life and turning it into a spinoff of Speed.

So anyway, back to the Pie Are Squared thing... We had a couple of the birthday boy's favorite things: his favorite kind of "pizza pie" and for dessert, his favorite kind of pie.  He has all ready had cupcakes (this past Sunday) with all his buddies and he had a sleepover with one of his best buddies last night.

This boy, this young man, who turned 8 has a heart of gold, whose smile can capture you in a moment where you are frozen in time, whose eyes are so blue, so kind, so innocent, so full of love you can fall into them and never want to leave, a boy who has music locked into the marrow of his bones. He is always dancing, always singing, always drumming...

There was a food theme to his birthday this year.  Jellybean didn't have the money to buy him what she wanted so she scrounged what money she had and bought him a chocolate doughnut. The bride from this past weekend's wedding brought him over her favorite dish as a child, sunomono salad (this but without the crab or shrimp).

Other than that he has birthday money and gift cards to spend, new rollerblades and his buddy who just moved has informed me that he is sending him a tackle box with a couple of hooks. He will be so excited by the gesture and the knowledge that his buddy, now two provinces away, did not forget about him.

Shoot 'em, blow 'em up and hang 'em

Gee, photography is a violent hobby...


...but I really like it!  :D


Just shot my first wedding this weekend...it was a lot of fun...

...pictures to follow - eventually...there are a LOT to sort through... {grin}

Sounds of Summer

"I need more ammo now..."

Yes, in my house, and I am certain yours, in some form or another...

The ammo?

H2O...

The floor...?

Soaking wet with slippery footprints of children  running in and out with bottles, buckets, cups, & water guns to fill.

I love the laughter that floats on the words... "I need more ammo...", "he got me..."

The bottom fell right out of it

The plans that were in the works... the ones that I said I wasn't going to give details about at that time just in case... well, the bottom did fall right out but I am completely ok with it.  I know that things happen & don't happen for a purpose and I have the choice to be upset by it or to roll with it.  I like to try to be more of a "roll with it" kinda gal. 

Sure, don't get me wrong; there have been moments that knocked me to my knees, perhaps even to my butt but I tend to not let it keep me there. I am a fighter.  I love me a good fight.  Knock me down and I come up swinging.  I just happen to have turned my life around enough that now when I swing it's with prayers and not with punches. {sheepish grin}.

So, what do I do with this bottomless chance? Let it go.  Move on..there is something better in the not-so-distant future. I just know it!