Never Satisfied

Why is it that we as women (primarily women, some men too) are rarely satisfied with our looks? Why is it that after 3 children, 3 c-sections & 4 pregnancies I am just as unsatisfied with my body as I was when I was a 20-something year old with a 5 foot 6 inch frame carrying a mere 100 lbs?

Why is it that, as a mother of 7 and grandma to 1, I can't look at my rolls, lumps and jiggles with a sense of pride and accomplishment? Have I not, in a sense, earned each and every one of these stretch marks and these hips that don't fit well into the latest trends? Why must we constantly run the race to beauty with the proverbial carrot dangling in front of our noses that we will never quite reach?

With maturity does one not gain insight into what is truly important, what is truly worth being sought after? Evidently not.  Perhaps I just have not reached maturation {grin} but I thought that at my, nearing, 37 years, that I was at least a bit closer than I was at 16.  It seems, however, that I have some sort of a glitch - instead of maturing, the self-image part of me has been retarded, stunted.

Let the record show, we are moms. We are real life people. We don't have personal trainers, personal chefs, personal stylists, personal nannies to care for our children so we can dedicate countless hours to our waist-lines, botox, yoga, nail appointments and what-not.  I can not allow myself to think that is an image I want for myself - it is unattainable {maybe that is why so many celebrities, um, losing their focus on reality.} For the record, I do not have skilled airbrushing personnel to ensure that my every appearance is flawless.

I am flawed. You are flawed. I will never be model thin, at least not again. I wasn't even happy with myself when I was. And I shall never strive for my happiness to be wrapped up in appearances. Appearances are as fleeting as the next gray hair.  I do know that I am needing to shed a few pounds. Not a lot. But in order to be at a nice "healthy" weight, I would like to see approximately 35 pounds gone. 

I'll let you in on a little secret though...

...I certainly am not going to let my joy or my happiness ride on 35 pounds...not anymore

Unfulfilled Potential

With this little owie of a sickness I had this last week, I have done a lot of laying down.  With that lot of laying down comes lots of opportunity to look at how my stomach looks the same as it did when I was 5-6 months pregnant (maybe I am exaggerating but people, it is not pretty).

Since Christmas, and I feel so ashamed to say this, I have had Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred inside my house.  2 months ago I decided I should at least take the plastic wrapping off of it...that is the extent of attention it has gotten.  So...I think it is time to get off my wideload sticker, start exercising again, get myself back in shape, drink more water/less soda (which I had been until I needed to IV gingerale - you are welcome for the imagery), eat more carrots and less chocolate...

...Um, does it count if I dip the carrots in chocolate?

No? Didn't think so... here goes nothing but at the same time...here goes everything.  Can we get Bob and Jillian to do a program called For the Under Enthused?

I'm Rubber

Nope, not going to finish that with "your glue"...

For "family time", B.D. and I took the kids to the gym to go walking/jogging on the track. B.D. spent a fair bit of time in the weight room but, as the kids are too small to be in there, we spent all our time on the track. Almost 7 trips around gives you a mile.  I did 16 trips around.  One of those trips was 3/4 around the track at a fastish jog. 

Oh, did it sound like I was proud of that 3/4 jog trip?

I would definitely like to have been able to make it all the way... at least once!  But that will come.  I have never been one to like running.  Get me a partner and let's kick the crap out of each other... oh yes, Tae Kwon Do was the sport of my youth. Well, that horseback riding, walking all over the farmyard and any outdoor chores I was assigned to do (you know, like cleaning the pig pen and the chicken coop).

Bug ran just about the entire hour we were there...

Jellybean ran about 3/4 of that hour...

$12 for our family to go in and enjoy a clean, safe place to walk or skip or frolick or do tricep curls or whatever... {grin} Saw my cousin's husband; he coaches a girl's soccer team (or assists, not sure).

I was just thinking though, how much money does it cost to take a family of four to a movie? About $30 for the tickets and then what for popcorn, etc? I really don't know; it has been so long since we have done something like that. A meal for 4 at McDonalds is about $25-$30...but for $12, we went and got some exercise, taught our children that fun can also be healthy and showed them that family time is not simply stuck on a couch or with a BigMac in your face... Yay!!!!

Pretty sure tomorrow my legs will look, and feel, a lot like I am standing on Jell-o...
Just sayin'

Hot and Healthy through the Holidays 3

Another week done, huh? Wow! I definitely did not have any cheesecake this week.  Whew! Although, after having the rocky road cheesecake last week, it was rather tempting.

We ate lots of salad this week and I made a couple lasagnas - one to freeze and one to eat. I made sure to sneak some extra veggies in the sauce too so I added some grated carrots and zucchini. I also snuck in some ground flax but I won't tell if you won't.  How do you boost your meals?

Exercise this week was not as good as last week as I was in a conference most of the time.  I did, however, get a lot of cardio ust by singing on the worship team each night for the conference - there was a LOT of umping and dancing and praising going on!

Off now to take some pictures of a project our church is working on to help clean up our city.  I have been made a photographer in training for the media dept (big grin!)

This

shirt and this picture drove me over the edge about getting serious about getting fit and healthy and losing me some weight. It is not as bad as the shirt makes it appear but, come on, people, I look like I am about to give birth to a baby and not that my baby is the seriously cute little boy with the faux hawk beside me!

As I was perusing the pictures on my hard drive, immediately after taking the picture last month, I took the shirt off and put it in my bag of "to give away".

I am thinking of adding that picture to my refrigerator door beside this one...

5 years post first child (the first picture is 6 years post last child).  I was about 105 pounds here and, according to my husband, too skinny however, I am not looking to replicate this picture.  Maybe, perhaps, I could get just a bit closer than I am...

So...? Let's do this!

Healthy through the Holidays. Why?

That's the question, right?  Why am I doing this?  To be honest - or why bother right? - I need to get into better shape.  I need to exercise more and eat better.  I do try, just not hard enough.  As soon as I hit a difficult (as in hectic) time in our busy household I cave and my best friend becomes the fast food joint down the street and my couch becomes my close second.

→  I am hoping that this will kick start some weight loss for me, although I realize that weight loss is not the focus; I am hoping it will be an added bonus.
→ I attend a very busy church that is constantly getting busier and I need the strength and energy to do the things that I choose to be involved in.
→ I am on the worship team at our church and what good will I be if I am wheezing, puffing and crying for oxygen after the second song.  We have quite energetic worship times and they are usually about a half hour or so (perhaps a bit longer even).
→ I want to be a good example to my children in ALL areas of their lives - that includes nutrition and fitness.

Why am I and why will I be airing this in blog-o-land?  I start big; I have grandiose ideas and intentions and then, {sound of deflating balloon} I fizzle out....ppppsssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh.  I am hoping that the accountability and the support of some ladies will keep me on the straight and narrow and that my words or my situation or my ideas may, indeed, help someone else out. 

So, here we go! Let 'er buck!

I'm Gonna Lose It!!!!

And not in the way I have been going through waves of grief again in the past few days (and today was a hard one) but in the "I-have-weight-to-lose-and-I-AM-going-to-lose-it" kind of way.

I am joining up with some ladies that I have met through the internet, blogging world as they are going through a Healthy eating/fitness through the holidays.  Check their blogs here and here for nutrition tips and for fitness tips beginning Nov 3. We will be banding together with other ladies for support and ideas through our blogs so feel free to join us!  I have also been talking with my new friend, New England Girl, and we have agreed to be accountable to each other so far it hasn't been too serious but, nice to know she is there for some support and maybe a virtual slap upside the head once in awhile...{GRIN}

So, I don't think I am going to focus on weight loss so much as getting healthier and, perhaps things will get lost a whole lot easier.

Why is it so easy to lose things we don't want to lose, like our debit cards (which I have seriously lost because I hate always carrying a purse so I threw it in a pants pocket and am not sure where it wound up) or our tempers but losing those things we want to lose... is the most. difficult. thing. in. the. world!

Well, that and putting our lives in the hands of another and trusting Him completely...over ALL things!