Finally

finally a diagnosis for this 6 months of extreme physical pain my body has been in. Finally an answer that is neither scary or crippling - a tad overwhelming but that is all.

I can do overwhelming.  I can do one day at a time, especially when I have been told it should be completely gone in 2 years.

Finally a medication that helped relieve the pain.  One day in, on a super high dose before tapering off,  and I am already noticing a huge diffrrence. I was able to dress and prepare for the day without debilitating pain. I even sat on the wooden benches to watch my step-son's game and could get up without walking like a 102 year old woman.

Finally,  after 6 months of scattered sleep from all this pain, I slept through the night, waking only momentarily at 1:56 am. I was distraught thinking "here we go again", but a guided meditation video and relaxation breathing exercises lulled me right back into a sweet slumber.

Another "finally" and a bizarre one at that, after a year long silent treatment from my husband's ex, She Who Shant Be Named, communicated with me 2 days in a row. I damn near fell over from the shock of it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm prepared for one of 2 things: 

A. a blow up like last year where she tries to hurt my feelings telling me to go to hell. She clearly has no idea how exciting that would be. I've longed to go to Norway for as long as I could breath.

B. This was an isolated weekend, or she took her medication or the Christmas Spirit moved her and...the Silent Treatment will resume.

Not too sure if she realizes that as much as I wish the two of us could get along and be, at least, friendly with each other for the kids, her silence doesn't bother me. In actuality,  it is a necessity for peace of mind - at least until she learns to control her tongue, her temper, her jealousy and her idiotic notions that she is a victim in a circus she created. 

I'd like to kiss

Yeppers, you heard me. I'd like to k.i..s.s... keep it simple silly...

I've thought a lot about simple living...

not in the trendy sort of way...just simple.

Typing this, I am looking at my bedroom and I see clutter on my dresser, on my night stand, on B.D.'s dresser and nightstand and a whole heap of clothes on my side of the floor that are screaming to be folded and put away. I have not had time... I am certain there are clothes in that heap that I would probably never remember I had should they disappear. I am also certain that in the midst of the dresser clutter are items I have forgotten we have.

What does this mean? Well, a few things. It means
1. I have too many clothes.
2. If I don't know I have it and I need it I will probably go buy another and waste money purchasing something I all ready own.
3. I have not made it an importance to care for these items
4. My children have too many clothes (thankful for hand-me-downs but I could always donate the excess)
5. I am wasting time doing laundry on clothes that may or may not have been worn or simply because of the volume of clothing period.

What does this mean?
1. I need to sort through our belongs, organizing as I go.
2. I need to have an idea of what my children, myself, and B.D. need to keep for clothes (let's say a list as to what our ideal wardrobes would be) to know what needs to be donated, tossed, folded/hung up or purchased.

What would it feel/look like when this happens?
Nirvana? Euphoric? Perhaps.

Aside from school, working on achieving what I stated in my last post about legacies and all the other things I do need to do in life...this is one of the things I will be whittling away at...bit by bit...it will be a process but, every step forward is a step forward, right?

I think I shall begin with the clothes situation...and then, perhaps, toys...I wish for our home to be a place of serenity and peace for us and those that happen to cross the threshold into our lives. I see the chaotic state of our lives in just about every area of our home (closets, cupboards, pantries, even our fridge). It is time to K.I.S.S it goodbye!

Never Satisfied

Why is it that we as women (primarily women, some men too) are rarely satisfied with our looks? Why is it that after 3 children, 3 c-sections & 4 pregnancies I am just as unsatisfied with my body as I was when I was a 20-something year old with a 5 foot 6 inch frame carrying a mere 100 lbs?

Why is it that, as a mother of 7 and grandma to 1, I can't look at my rolls, lumps and jiggles with a sense of pride and accomplishment? Have I not, in a sense, earned each and every one of these stretch marks and these hips that don't fit well into the latest trends? Why must we constantly run the race to beauty with the proverbial carrot dangling in front of our noses that we will never quite reach?

With maturity does one not gain insight into what is truly important, what is truly worth being sought after? Evidently not.  Perhaps I just have not reached maturation {grin} but I thought that at my, nearing, 37 years, that I was at least a bit closer than I was at 16.  It seems, however, that I have some sort of a glitch - instead of maturing, the self-image part of me has been retarded, stunted.

Let the record show, we are moms. We are real life people. We don't have personal trainers, personal chefs, personal stylists, personal nannies to care for our children so we can dedicate countless hours to our waist-lines, botox, yoga, nail appointments and what-not.  I can not allow myself to think that is an image I want for myself - it is unattainable {maybe that is why so many celebrities, um, losing their focus on reality.} For the record, I do not have skilled airbrushing personnel to ensure that my every appearance is flawless.

I am flawed. You are flawed. I will never be model thin, at least not again. I wasn't even happy with myself when I was. And I shall never strive for my happiness to be wrapped up in appearances. Appearances are as fleeting as the next gray hair.  I do know that I am needing to shed a few pounds. Not a lot. But in order to be at a nice "healthy" weight, I would like to see approximately 35 pounds gone. 

I'll let you in on a little secret though...

...I certainly am not going to let my joy or my happiness ride on 35 pounds...not anymore

I'm Rubber

Nope, not going to finish that with "your glue"...

For "family time", B.D. and I took the kids to the gym to go walking/jogging on the track. B.D. spent a fair bit of time in the weight room but, as the kids are too small to be in there, we spent all our time on the track. Almost 7 trips around gives you a mile.  I did 16 trips around.  One of those trips was 3/4 around the track at a fastish jog. 

Oh, did it sound like I was proud of that 3/4 jog trip?

I would definitely like to have been able to make it all the way... at least once!  But that will come.  I have never been one to like running.  Get me a partner and let's kick the crap out of each other... oh yes, Tae Kwon Do was the sport of my youth. Well, that horseback riding, walking all over the farmyard and any outdoor chores I was assigned to do (you know, like cleaning the pig pen and the chicken coop).

Bug ran just about the entire hour we were there...

Jellybean ran about 3/4 of that hour...

$12 for our family to go in and enjoy a clean, safe place to walk or skip or frolick or do tricep curls or whatever... {grin} Saw my cousin's husband; he coaches a girl's soccer team (or assists, not sure).

I was just thinking though, how much money does it cost to take a family of four to a movie? About $30 for the tickets and then what for popcorn, etc? I really don't know; it has been so long since we have done something like that. A meal for 4 at McDonalds is about $25-$30...but for $12, we went and got some exercise, taught our children that fun can also be healthy and showed them that family time is not simply stuck on a couch or with a BigMac in your face... Yay!!!!

Pretty sure tomorrow my legs will look, and feel, a lot like I am standing on Jell-o...
Just sayin'

In which I admit how I broke my hand

I wish it were a funny story or a brave one or even just remotely cool but, alas, my hand breaking story is lame {except for the fact that it lead up to the day I met my grand-daughter}.

We started off on Feb 9 in the town near MamaJ's home; she was dilating like a mad woman and then... NOTHING! No more progression! Doctor mentioned augmentation or a possible c-section which this little hospital was not set up to do.  {Well, they considered doing the c-section there but thankfully couldn't get the o.r. staff in to assist.  I say 'thankfully' because the doctor then explained she had only ever seen one in college and proceeded to ask the nurse what she needed to do next. I. Don't. Think. SO!}

Load MamaJ into the ambulance and head here, to my hometown. I will not admit to which traffic violations I may or may not have committed on our (Jellybean and Bug were with me) trip home. I dropped the kids off at my dad's because by this time they had waited at a hospital for 6 hours and it would be a late night yet.

Speed walking through the hospital parking lot and BANG! I hit the ground and with every bone in my body on the way down. I lay there for a bit, seriously hoping someone saw me so they could help me up because I didn't think I was moving on my own. No one came. I decided laying on the ice wasn't fun anymore {wait! It wasn't fun to begin with! wink}. Up I got, with a few scrapes, sore bones (mostly my knees and elbows) and a little bruised pride.

Anywho, off to the maternity ward. No c-section! Oxytocin and fentanyl. Bets were placed on when baby would be born. One insisted Feb 9. 9 1/2 hours after arriving at second hospital, our dear baby was born on Feb 10! (bet lost but not by me). Bet lost about whether she was a boy or girl as well, also not by me as I had all ready bought several too-cute-to-pass-by girl outfits! {tee hee! What can I say, I am an optimist}

Lots of squeezing done to my right hand... never any increase in pain so I never gave it another thought past bone bruise. One week later, the pain was so intense in my hand I "yelled"sternly spoke to a patient and knew I needed to get it checked. She is broken, a bone in my hand; it aches when I am at work or have to do a lot of typing (this post has taken me forever to type out). It's not a big deal though. It's not excruciating pain or anything, just more of an inconvenience but heh, I got a beautiful grand-daughter out of the whole thing. I'd say I am still on the winning end, inspite of the fall! 

Awkward Silence

My hand is broken.

I kid you not.

It's my right hand.

I am right-handed.

This is not fun...

...but I am still joyful!

The end.

Let the Happy Dance Begin

Since our holiday and our eating out for two weeks on a budget (read: mostly crappy fast food) I had gained a fair bit of weight to my all ready too much.

I decided right then and there that I am doing something about it! I have eaten a lot, alot of spinach salads, tuna, salmon, veggies galore and making sure that we have been eating breakfasts like oatmeal.  The extra weight I had picked up came off very quickly and I had doubts that I would get any farther than that.

I have been trying to move past that weight, the weight I have been, for the past 5 years!  5 years of trying! 5 years of frustrations and tears and losing hope.

I stepped on the scale this morning and I have broken past that barrier!  I am currently 3 pounds less than I have been for the past 5 years!  It is not a big number but it is a super exciting number for me!!!

I will let you carry on with your day.  My happy dance commences!

I hate my body, now pass the cheeseball

I have begun a sub-blog to help me be accountable and to help me moderate myself on a journey I have embarked to reclaim my body. Yes, my body has been overtaken by a secret enemy. From henceforth we will refer to this enemy as The Smoosh. The Smoosh has completely taken over my belly; I haven't seen an abdomen muscle in a VERY long time. I used to have a lovely, ripped tummy area...but I digress from my focus. The Smoosh has begun to move into the areas of the thighs and the butt. No! Not the butt! Ooooh! How I despise The Smoosh!

If you are interested in supporting me or interested in joining me please hop on over to a post I did there called "I hate my body, now pass the cheeseball". I mean, really, am I the only one who will cry into a bag of doritos all the while pinching the excess on my stomach and jiggling it for my husband to see me in ALL my glory? I didn't think so.

Oh, and as far as me sharing all this embarrassing information about myself, all I can say is, your welcome. Now let me go pull my head out of the sand so I can write down a game plan...

On a cold winter's evening

No, I'm not about to start singing The Gambler by Kenny Rogers (winter edition of course).

No, I am not entirely old enough to know much about that song but I do; my dad loves Kenny Rogers.

Anywho...

As I said in my last post, you know the one where I am extremely relieved I did not have the foresight to take 'before' pictures), Bug is sick - he has a bug if you will.

The poor guy has been barking and hacking like it's the new in thing to love (disclaimer: I haven't seen this nor desire to but three of my children, none that live with me, are completly gaga over this whole thing).

Sorry, I did it again. I will get back on track. Seriously.

Bug is very congested but this cough has been very unproductive. After work I stopped to talk to the store's pharmacist and she told me, with no hesitation to think about it that this (Robitussin) was the best stuff to give Bug.

We were going to use a cool mist vaporizor as well, and add some of that eucylptus oil to it but, the sound the vaporizer makes scares Bug. But look what I found whilst buying the Robitussin...

This little gadget comes with 1 vapourizer and 5 refill pads (each good for 8 hours use). The best thing is, you can buy separate refills once you are done with these 5; you don't need to buy the product all over again! It releases a menthol/eucalyptus blend into the room (make sure you close the door) and is 100% quiet. I plugged it in close to Bug's bed and within a half hour it started to fill his room with soothing smells that will ease his cold this season without scaring the crap out of him.
(disclaimer: This is not an endorsed review at all; in fact Benylin, the makers of the product, don't even know little ole me exists and I bought this for the full $9.49 all by my lonesome).

A pinch of this and a smidge of that

Um, anyone wanna tell me where I was supposed to fit in this "let's sleep with mom so she's not lonely tonight" equation?

That's what I thought too.  So, I had to do a bit of wiggling and using a bit of gentle persuasion to get a certain child a little more centered and a lot less sprawled.

Speaking of that child.  This...

just happened to be his last night in the orange cast!  Yeppers, folks, he got that puppy off today!

Checking out the difference from one arm to the other.

The orthopedic surgeon says there is still a slight deformation which you can see in the picture but that it should "straighten itself out" with time; he is, after all, 6 years old and his young bones heal quickly. He does have limited mobility trying to turn his palm from facing down to facing up so we will be doing "at home" physio to help strengthen him up in that area again.

When I asked him how it felt to have the cast off he said, "Mom, it reminds me of that song we sing.  'Freedom'. You know "I wanna lift my hands higher than before.  I wanna dance freer than before.  Free-eeedom.  Freedom." Just like that."

Once we got home and went to pick Jellybean up from school we packed up the 4 more bags of "crap" and one more box and took them to Value Village as well.

Don't judge (grin) but I know there is more stuff that will be leaving this house in the next few days.  How much crap did we have?  I mean, seriously?  I have 2 bags, same size as the above picture, of garbage to take out to the garbage can as well.  We, ok, I will be getting this ouse ship-shape in no time, about time!

I got to do a nice sized batch of once a month cooking (oamc) as well.  Check it out.

The two in the back are lasagnas, there is a bag of a dozen mini meatloaves, the margarine container has porcupine meatballs, and the other two containers are regular ol' meatballs. I am hoping to finish this all off by cooking up a honey garlic sauce for the meatballs to freeze as well but I may have to wait to do that until Saturday.

Hooray!  So much done! Feeling all accomplished or something.  Quick!  Someone get me a hero cookie before I lose momentum! {Grin}

I'm a little late

getting this up but, here are the pictures of Bug with his orange cast.

Orange partially for Stellan, Mckmama's youngest son who has fought his whole life with SVT until an incredibly successful ablation very recently!  His other reason for chosing orange is that it is ONE of his favorite colors - ONE of...it vacillates between orange and blue.

(waiting for the orthopedic sugeon to assess the damages)

(here it is, bright, unsigned and... water proof!  Yeah baby, gone are the days of bread bags tied around your cast. Bug can even go swimming with this baby on - if he doesn't plan on staying in the pool for hours on end.)

(getting his cast signed by the "ladies")

It Came! It Came!

This got a little lost in all the kerfuffle of Bug's broken arm adventure(as they both arrived the same day) but, that is all behind us now that his arm is safely encased in an orange cast (he picked partially in honor of Mr. Stellan and partially because it is one of his favorite colors).

I won this from Myra.  She has a great blog and is a whole lot of fun; you should really check her out.  Right now, until Nov 17, she has another fresh giveaway going on.  Check out the previous link to her blog to find that particular post!

This Just In

I just got back from our appointments with Radiology, the doctor and the Cast Technician, Boris.

(yesterday after picking Bug up from my friend's house after work - pre doctor)

Bug has definitely broken his arm - his radius to be precise.  Apparently the bone is at a 5 to 10 degree elevation from where it should be and we need to go to the Cast Clinic on Thursday to see the Orthopedic Surgeon to see if "manipulation" of the bone is required.

(Waiting at the walk-in clinic yesterday with his pink panther)

He will be casted then.  For now, he has a brace on the arm and a sling to keep it stable.

(Trying to figure out the best way to support his arm during the night. This attempt was a fail.)

(Apparently, this way was the most comfortable for the little man.)

(The temporary "fix" until we see the surgeon to rule out the need for surgery on Thursday morning.)