Dual Graduations

Okay, so thanks to the insight of Nat, I have now realized that next year there will be two, count them, two graduations....J's and Jellybean's. Yikes. How will I cope? You know me. What am I going to do? I can't breathe. I think I'm hyperventilating....




However...think of all the wonderful photo opportunities waiting for that moment....



I smile just thinking about it.
 
(originally posted June 23, 2005)

When I Grow Up

Wednesday was J's last day of school for the year. She is now in grade 12. Wow...another one almost done high school. Yikes! Really where does the time go? I met J when she was in grade 6 and I have watched her grow from a shy awkward 11 year old to this beautiful, graceful 17 year old who is now in the final year of her life, really, at home. There are so many big steps coming her way and she realized this on Wednesday.

After getting out of her final grade 11 final exam, J went and had herself a good old panic attack. You know what I'm talking about: the hyperventilating, the sweating, the thoughts that ramble out of your mouth without you really focusing on what you are saying:

"I'm in grade 12"

"I don't know what I want to be when I grow up." (reassuring friend says"It's okay you still have a year to decide.")

"Not if I want to go to college. I'll have to apply and what about scholarships and I'll have to apply and what am I gonna do.....?"

At this point we all know that the typical thing to do would be to slide down the wall in the smelly high school hallway and crumple on the floor. (Are you thinking back to that moment?) And that is just what she did. Panic attack over, J is doing fine now; she needed a few minutes and a few deep breathing exercises. The eery feeling of the unknown has subsided...for now.

Now, I, on the other hand, have just realized that Rush has just finished grade 6. If you remember that is when I met J and it sure doesn't seem like that long ago and she is on the verge of getting her wings. Do you know what that means? Are you anticipating what is coming next...?

Me hyperventilating?

Me breaking out in a cold sweat?

"She's gonna be in grade 12 soon?"

"What am I gonna do when she grows up?" (reassurance from child,"I'll visit mom")

I remember when she was 5 and told me she would never, ever leave me and that she would live with me forever with her husband, her kids, her dog, her cat, her horse and her gorilla. Yes, gorilla. (Wow, I wonder where she gets her "lets plan a million years in advance" idosyncrasy from...don't look at me. I'm serious....not me. )

This only means one thing. "What," you may ask. I have to cherish my Rush and every little moment I have with her. We have gone through a lot, Rush & I. For a while, we were all we had. We have gone through scary times with her biological dad; we have gone through times when we were so poor she was the only one eating most days. We have gone through times when I thought I was going to lose her, like when she had pneumonia really bad and we have gone through times where we would just snuggle on the couch and tell wonderful, beautiful stories of where we would go, what we would do, see and eat as we went off on gorgeous vacations together in our imaginations.

I need to stop being so "busy" and enjoy the time I have with my kids (all 7 of them); it's been a really long time since Rush & I have gone on one of our special vacations. Jellybean & I have never gone on one and I think she is just the right age to start. Pretty soon she will be wanting to save money for going to school and telling me what she will do when she grows up...
 
(originally posted on June 24, 2005)

Baby Update

I just thought I would give you all an update on our three fish babies...fries as they are called. They are doing so good; they are growing and are they ever cute. We bought some baby fish food called Small Fry and we have to feed them several times a day. Some would call it a pain in the butt and not really worth the time or the effort but I think it is. Jellybean really enjoys helping me take care of "her" babies. She has named them ALL Strawberry Shortcake; I'm not sure if that's because they are all actually named that or if because they are still too small to really tell apart (if you can tell fish apart).
I am thinking there is still a mama fish in there. If she's not pregnant then we need to get some low fat fish food for her and put her on the fish version of the South Beach diet or Atkins or something. Maybe she's just big boned...I dunno. I really don't profess to know a lot about fish. I've had a few but really, I'm learning as I go.

I love watching them; they are very peaceful and relaxing, until you feed them and they go savage. I do, however, find them interesting to watch. B.D. laughs at me when I sit at the tank and watch these fish....I'm just attempting to relax. I just really enjoy watching them and their behaviors...they remind me a lot of people in their behavior. I wrote a poem about gold fish when I was in grade 12 about how they swim around sedate watching you watch them, swimming peacefully and then when you feed them they turn savage but once the food is gone they return to their original sedate little fishy selves, watching you watch them...

One guy who read my poem thought I was really writing about politics. I was just a warped teenager writing a poem that honestly just popped in my head...the more I learn about politics, the more I think he may be on to something...

(originally posted June 26, 2005)

We Have Babies

Okay, now that I have caught all of your attention; no, it is NOT me!!!!! The kids got a fish for B.D. for Father's Day and she was expecting. Yikes! How do you care for a mama fish? Better yet how do you care for the babies once they get here? I have found three so far and put them in this floating fish thingy that we have and so, for now, it shall be the maternity ward or nursery. They are so cute and so little. I almost wanted to wake the kids up so they could see it but then...ah, never mind. I can't wait for them to see their babies in the morning!

I'll keep you posted on if we have more babies or not.

I will place bets on at least one of these babies being called Strawberry Shortcake. I know the mama is as is the male betta we have. Who wants to take this bet? Any takers? Any one?
 
(originally posted June 23, 2005 on my original blog)

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Sometimes I can't believe the things that come out of kids' mouths and other times it so incredibly hilarious and literal.

I was talking to my mom on the phone a while back and she told me a story about Jellybean that brought tears to my eyes, from laughing so hard. Jellybean followed my mom into the bathroom and noticed that my mom and I had the same underwear (note to self: go shopping).

She felt obligated to tell grandma this and my mom's response was that she & I have great taste.

To this Jellybean responded with utter disgust and said, "Grandma, my mom doesn't eat HER underwear."

If only we could strap videocameras to our children, at least for their waking hours. I know that there would be a few movies worth of hilarity we could watch over and over again.
 
(originally posted May 6, 2005 on my original blog)

Missing Grandma

The pussy willows have come and gone; the tulips are blooming; the leaves are budding on the trees and I, I am missing my grandma.

Grandma would mark on her calendar when the first hummingbird arrived to her feeders; she waited for that day, I am sure, all winter long. Each spring I want to buy a humming bird feeder but not knowing where to put it and not having a ladder to put it in my big front window, I have passed each time. Call it nostalgia; call it whimsy. Call it whatever you want; it’s a piece of my grandma that I can pass on to my children and one day, I will have one in my living room or kitchen window.
Her flower gardens were massive and impressive each and every year. She had flowers every where and knew exactly what each was called. There were Pansies, Sweet Williams, Daisies, Poppies, Petunias, Violets, Lilacs…the list goes on and on and to tell you the truth, I have no idea what half the flowers were.

She was up with the sun tending to her gardens, a hard working woman for as long as she could be. She took joy in caring for her yard and flowers, inside and outside. She also took joy in watching me “sneak” into her garden to get fresh carrots or cucumbers before school. I saw her smile as she watched out her window from the chair she sat in enjoying her morning coffee. I even miss the color of her coffee, the interesting color it turned from all the milk she added. I am sure that sounds bizarre and I am sure other people’s coffee turns that particular color but it just seemed different. Perhaps what I miss is seeing that same clear coffee mug full of coffee or perhaps I miss seeing that same mug in my dear granny’s hands.
Those hands, the ones that wiped my tears so gingerly away were the same that tenderly picked ripe, juicy berries from the Saskatoon trees in her yard, raspberry bushes in the woods and strawberries, the tiny wild ones, that crept across her yard and the same hands that tipped and tailed beans and shelled peas on her back step.

It is raining and I picture the rain running into the rain barrels she used to catch water for her flowers. I remember dunking my head in that water on hot summer days (after scooping all the bugs out) and I remember sitting in the shade, feeling safe and secure near my grandma.

Of all the things I miss about my grandma, her smile, her twinkling eyes, her gentle voice, her knowledge of nursery rhymes and little poems, the way she remembered every birthday from her children to her great grandchildren, one of the things I miss most about her is the way her house smelled when she made fried potatoes from leftover boiled potatoes. I don’t know why but there is just something so comforting and soothing in that memory. No one else can make them smell that way. That and the color of her coffee…
 
(*post originally written on May 23, 2005...brought over here from my original blog)