I try to see the beauty of every day. There has to be at least one beautiful thing every day, right? That gorgeous sunrise or sunset that paints the sky. The hoar frost that blankets the trees. The sundog that wraps itself around the sun. The gleam in your love's eyes. The sound of a child's laughter rippling through the mundane....
But, honestly, there are days that shit doesn't cut it....somedays where it takes an awful lot to see beyond the bad - let alone the beautiful.
83 and I have a situation in our lives that likes to raise the ooglay bar more often than not, intentionally trying to zap each and every ounce of beauty in our lives. A parasitic situation that latches on with lockjaw strength. There were times we let the situation steal our joy...however, it never successfully tore us apart.
Lately, we have chosen to simply laugh at the idiocy of it all. Honestly, the shit that happens (and how laced it is with lunacy and illogicality and paranoia) is, from an outside perspective, hilarious at best.
We couldn't make the nonsense up if we tried... With great certainty, I'd bet money that the genius imaginations of the likes of J.R.R Tolkein and George Lucas could not fathom the mania nor how the bottom can fall right out of it and how quickly that can happen.
And so, we both struggled to find the beauty in those days. There is no beauty in irrational behavior, narcasstic patterns or entitled mindsets. So how did we decide to not allow it to zap our joy, peace and sanctuary?
We simply accepted that we are not responsible for the behavior or choices or even perceptions of anyone other than ourselves. If our motives are questioned and misinterpreted by ignorance, let it be so. If our behaviours threaten the insecurities of the unhinged, let it be so.
There is beauty in the knowledge that you are in control of the peace, joy and well-being in only the space you make up. Our responsibility is to keep our souls peaceful and protected, and to protect our home environment. Within the confines of our house is a space that welcomes friends and family, a space that is calming, restful and welcoming - filled with love and laughter.
In that space, we choose to find our beauty. Together, we strive to make it such by being watchful of the attitudes that walk through our doorway. Malicious, unapologetic, ill-willed people are lucky to make it to the step let alone gain access (although one such person likes to find ways to utilize naivety and youthful innocence to barge their way where they are not welcome when we are not home).
The long and the short of it is this, we have made a conscious decision to not allow others to rob our joy, to smell the flowers, to breath in the fresh air, to allow the mud to squish between our toes and to enjoy the beauty in the every day on this journey we walk together.
Is it always easy? Fuck, no. Sometime we need to be reminded what our priorities are for our lives. How awesome it is to be part of a relationship where it is rare for both people to be down at the same time; gentle reminders from the other encourage and strengthen. At times those gentle reminders sound more like "stop feeling sorry for yourself" or 'stop pouting". Haha.
When you get down to the nitty gritty there really is beauty in every day....it just depends if we decide to feed the ugly or feed the beauty. I would rather feed the beauty.
