And so

It's back to me.  I feel like my mom and I are playing tennis lobbing the ball back and forth into each other's court.  My uncle, who is dying from brain cancer and has no family of his immediate own - outside of us - was in the hospital here.  He was transferred for a couple of weeks to the city my mom lives 1 hour and 1/2 away from me.  Now he has been transferred back, which is a good sign; he has stabalized.  Doctors here are trying to find a care home for him.

I offered my home but, apparently, I would need to quit my job as he needs constant supervision given the nature of his disease, and, the doctor doesn't think that it would be a great environment for my children. Thinking upon it after, I tend to agree.  He has horrible seizures and he gets very confused, sometimes angry, and he is very, very weepy given the location of the tumor on his brain.

I am now resigned to only caring for him by baking him goodies, visiting him, finding ways to make him smile and bringing him the odd cup of coffee.  All these things, while normally contraband for someone with similar underlying health issues (ulcers from the medication), are welcomed by his doctor in an attempt to make his "last days" comfortable and loving.

He is a strong man.  A few years ago he decided to take on a train while he was in a tractor - somehow he did not hear it coming.  Miraculously, my uncle won (after a long fight).  Last year, almost exactly, he fought and, thought he had, beat lung cancer.  He had the lower lobe of his right lung removed; the doctor's think the cancer had all ready spread to his brain but was, at that time, undetected due to not enough cancer cells in the brain to "show".

As many of you out there know, it is hard watching someone you love die, especially slowly but I count it an honor and privelege to make his last days, weeks, months (?) as happy as I possibly can

When you live in Canada

your children get excited by the strangest things. When you live in Canada, especially in the northernish part of Canada, your children have winter for approximately 9 months of the year.

And so, things like this really seem to excite them...or maybe its just my kids but, new long underwear seems to fill them with goofy, happy, warm, smiley feelings.

Especially...

When they are...
Hockey long johns and for your whole life you have wished with all your heart that Matt Sundin would come to your birthday party just once! I mean your birthday is

in da summah time after all and it's not like he's pwayin hotey in da summahtime anyway!

Yeah, it's kinda like that in Canada, in my house anyway...

Went to a shower,

a baby shower. I think it is so great when women get to get together and just be with each other, in an environment that they can just be. You know what I mean; I know you do. The chance to talk to your sisters freely, openly, emotionally - if need be.

We played a very funny game at the shower. Two ladies had a paper plate on the top of their heads and they drew a picture of a "baby". I say "baby" because, well, you'll see why shortly...

Are those not the funniest things you ever saw? We had plenty of laughs.

Laughter is good among friends.

Don't judge us but...

We ate the baby {ahem} good thing it was a baby cake...

How cute of a job did my friend do on that baby? Would you think less of me if I told you the "baby" was delicious?

A side note about the shower: the next morning Bug told me he was so very excited to see Miss Kareen's baby at church. I had to tell him that Miss Kareen's baby isn't due until just before Christmas...

"Um? Mama? How did you guys shower him then?"

It's Official

I have become my husband's secretary.  You think I jest? Alas, that I were laden with mischief.  BigB is at the most northern tip of our province right now on a business trip and was made aware  of a meeting he is to be at for our church this evening.  Um, he won't make it.

I was asked, nicely mind you, if I would go to the meeting on BigB's  behalf to take notes so I can enlighten him when he gets home - probably tomorrow. Now that I know the when and the where and that it is perfectly all right that I bring the kids, and put them in the nursery room, I have no problem what-so-ever.

I will be lost during this meeting but, that's not the point.  All I need to do is make good notes. {Grin}

I count it an honor and a priveledge to be able to do this for my husband and that the pastors suggested I be there during a meeting that does not pertain to me.

Gee, I hope I take good notes!

I'm Gonna Lose It!!!!

And not in the way I have been going through waves of grief again in the past few days (and today was a hard one) but in the "I-have-weight-to-lose-and-I-AM-going-to-lose-it" kind of way.

I am joining up with some ladies that I have met through the internet, blogging world as they are going through a Healthy eating/fitness through the holidays.  Check their blogs here and here for nutrition tips and for fitness tips beginning Nov 3. We will be banding together with other ladies for support and ideas through our blogs so feel free to join us!  I have also been talking with my new friend, New England Girl, and we have agreed to be accountable to each other so far it hasn't been too serious but, nice to know she is there for some support and maybe a virtual slap upside the head once in awhile...{GRIN}

So, I don't think I am going to focus on weight loss so much as getting healthier and, perhaps things will get lost a whole lot easier.

Why is it so easy to lose things we don't want to lose, like our debit cards (which I have seriously lost because I hate always carrying a purse so I threw it in a pants pocket and am not sure where it wound up) or our tempers but losing those things we want to lose... is the most. difficult. thing. in. the. world!

Well, that and putting our lives in the hands of another and trusting Him completely...over ALL things!

"I'm Probably Lying"

Is what his t-shirt said and so, I am wondering, do I believe him? Or is he lying?

Gross, gross, gross but still cool enough to photograph

We caught a picture of Fredrico catching his dinner and eyeing up dessert.

You heard it here first

Or you will, in a couple minutes, if you choose to read on but first, I must warn you, it's just a bunch of craziness - kid craziness. Chuckle inducing kid craziness.




I picked Bug up from my friend's this afternoon and as we were driving back home, he says to me, "Mom, I just burped a quiet burp, my head popped off real quick and landed back on my neck. Did it go on straight or crooked?"
 

I don't know.  What do you think? Did it go on straight?

The Plan...Menu Plan that is

Suppers:
Mon:  Tacos, mexi fries and salad (weeks 1 & 3)
           Fajitas (weeks 2 & 4)

Tues: Spaghetti with meatballs, caesar salad and garlic toast

Wed:  Porcupine meatballs, mashed potatoes, baking powder biscuits, and a veggie

Thur: stir fry

Fri:  Lasagna, salad and garlic toast

Sat:  Baked chicken, hashbrown bake and a veggie (week 1 & 3)
         Meatball stroganoff with salad (week 2 & 4)

Sun:  Pot roast (week 1 & 3)
         Mini meatloaves, noodles and sauce and veggies. (week 2 & 4)

School Lunches:
Mon:  cup of soup with a ham/cheese sandwich
Tues: greek chicken wrap or pita
Wed:  taco
Thur: cup of soup and a sandwich
Fri:    chicken pita

For school lunches per month we need:
40 juice boxes
4 cucumbers
4 green peppers
2 red peppers
bag of carrots
40 pieces of fruit
20 granola bars (or other such snacks for Bug)
40 for Jellybean.

→ the veggies are part of the snack and not what is included in sandwiches, etc.  Jellybean, especially, loves taking veggies strips/slices in her lunch
→ I will probably just have a chicken pita or something similar for lunch the days I work as I work until one so I need something I can just "throw" together fast.
→ When I work Fridays I will probably just pack a sandwich and throw it in my car as I am done at one, have to go to the otherside of town to get Bug from my friend's house and Jellybean is done school at two. That doesn't leave a lot of time for eating lunch.

Snap out of it and step it up, woman!

I think I have fallen into a bit of a funk; I seem to be pushing away my family (at least not making the effort to be close to them - fear of rejection from them too? I dunno. But I have noticed it, recognized it and am changing it), letting my housework fall to the wayside and really haven't done much productive since Rush left 2 months ago now.

Pastor K said something the other day that "hit" me again as I came to the above conclusion. He said we get information → illumination → revelation → manifestation → and then transformation.

I think I am on step 3 - revelation and now I am forming transformation (not sure manifestation applies in this one, although it could - the more I rely on God to help me).

What am I doing to bring resolution to this problem I have allowed? I am organizing. That's right. I am a planner. I am a list-maker. I am a to-do checker-offer (not a word? Let's make it one! {grin}).

I am currently working on a meal plan that will, for now, stay the same every week (not my favorite way of meal planning but we are in the midst of saving some money to fix our car and to go on a little family vacation). I am organizing, down to a T, what we need to have for school lunches and am making detailed monthly and weekly grocery lists.

I am working on a schedule for myself on which rooms get cleaned on which day of the week so that I don't just sit down at my computer and fall into a world that doesn't remind me of the hurts I know need more healing. I am also making a schedule of which days the kids practice their instruments and which days this or that happen so it doesn't get over-looked any more.

I am adding reminders on my gmail account that will send me a nice email each month so I don't forget that the month is half over and I don't overlook paying any more bills so I don't have to deal with any more final notices and scrounging up money to get HUGE bills caught up.

I will also be revamping our budget now that both BigB and I are at different jobs.

I will be posting some of these plans on here - perhaps it can help someone out, perhaps not but mostly it will help me to be accountable and it will help me to not lose any more pieces of paper with all my grandiose plans that fall to the wayside.

I am so tired

Tired of secrets.

Secret cell phones we are  just finding out that Rush had.

Secret facebook accounts that she had to hide from us who she was really spending her time with.

Secret purchases.  Like buying a Ipod instead of paying money on her fine.

Secret friends.

Secret drinking that we found out about.

Secret pregnancy test that I found as well.

Now I am finding out that a young lady we told (as well as our church leadership told) to leave Rush alone and not talk to her is added to this secret facebook account, texting her on this secret phone, and feeding her all sorts of crap by telling her things like she understands why Rush did what she did and validating Rush's behavior.

Please, if you can't respect me enough to honor my wishes regarding MY daughter at least respect and love her enough to speak into her life instead of feeding her full of justifications for dishonoring my family!

He's a dude; he's a HUNKY dude! (and other things that fall out as I digress yet again)

My kids love to play dress-up, most every day of the year.

We have bumblebee costumes, lion costumes, Indian princess costumes, unicorn costumes, fireman costumes, clothes we found at garage sales, old candy striper uniforms, baseball helmets, hard hats and the list goes on and on and on.

But I think Bug's favorite thing to wear when he is feeling goofy is this item.  Yes, it is one item.

("I'm a dude.  I'm a 'hunkay' dude!" - quote from "She's the Man" with Amanda Bynes)

The glasses from his Clark Kent to Superman costume - found in the clearance rack the day after Halloween.  That's about the best reason I can think of for Halloween, for our family - cheap costumes to aid our children in their daily imaginative adventures.

That's right.  We do not celebrate Halloween in any way.  I know that I just heard a gasp from some of you.  Our  youngest two children have never dressed up for Halloween or gone to a church version of Halloween.

That doesn't mean I judge any of you if you and your family dress-up, dole out candy, gather candy and what-not. It simply means, for our family, we don't recognize it as something we want to participate in, in any form.

Does this mean that our family does not reap benefits from the boxes of tiny chocolate bars that overtake the shelves? Oh we do! We enjoy a nice bite-size candy bar just like the majority of society. I like popping them in my kids' lunches as a nice little treat (to go along with their pepper strips and cucumber slices - I like balance).

Does that mean we don't stalk the bulk bins at our local grocery store waiting for these delightful treats to find their way into our cart?  Oh! We most certainly do!

 

Feast your eyes upon one of the most delicious lollipops/suckers (whatever you call them in your area) ever thought into existance.  I am sensing some doubt from some of you but, you need to believe me.  I have never steered you wrong yet. (I haven't had the opportunity too? Oh, well, you will just need to trust me then.  You will be happy you did.  I promise....)

Look at the anticipation on Bug's face as he is about to eat this delicious carmel apple lollipop! Really! I kid you not! Carmel Apple! The green part in the center is green apple sucker and the brown around it is carmel - lovely, delicious carmel. Really, your taste buds will try to hug you after this.  I kid you not.

MMMM....dish ish vewy dood....

So, now some of you may be wondering what we do instead of Halloween and trick-or-treating.  We spend time together as a family.  We order a pizza, pop in a movie, turn off our doorbell, turn off our lights so little people don't come to our house with expectations of hitting the motherload of candy donation and we chill.  We talk about things that are happening in our lives, about what God is doing and what He is speaking to us.  We talk about funny stories and memories and maybe play a board game.  We have gone out for pizza as well and we do, sometimes, eat a little bit of candy.

At one time my mom seemed to think my children were deprived for not getting to dress up for Halloween, and I am sure that some people will always believe that, but I ask you, does it really sound like they are missing out? They get to dress up whenever they want, eat candy and enjoy some very delicious suckers, spend quality time with mom and dad and eat pizza. So while I don't judge you for taking your children out on Halloween, please don't judge me for not doing the same. (Not that I think any of you wonderful ladies here are judging me in the slightest - nor do I feel you ever would!)

P.S. You seriously have to try those carmel apple lollipops! Seriously!

Moved to Tears

I truly am.  My husband is gone every second week - sometimes very far away (to the furthest northern tip of our province as you can go and you can't really get there by roads unless it is winter and it has frozen hard enough to be able to make an ice road - you know, on the lake).

This week I have been auditing a class at our Bible Training Center on Prayer (the class has been fantastic but that is neither here nor there to the topic of this post. {GRIN}). A dear, young lady (one of our pastor's daughters) came to me last weekend offering to babysit for me as she knew BigB was gone, and she was so genuine in her desire to help us out.

Tonight, after class, a revelation smacked me in the head (you know like on the "you shoulda had a V-8" commercials), I had no way to take Miss December home! My kids would be sleeping and there were no other adults that could stay with my kids while I ran her back.  (I haven't had to worry about things like that for a while; Rush or BigB have always been here for this kind of stuff - and we haven't needed a sitter we needed to take home; she lived with us!)

Anyway, her dad, Pastor T, followed me home to take December back home.  As I was getting out of my car he jumped out of his and  said to me, "If you ever need anything while BigB is away, you call us.  It doesn't matter what time.  You call us.  Ok!"

There was such a genuine, sincere and loving tone in his voice that it really did move me to the point of almost crying - those good tears.

So many people ask "How are you doing?" without really caring what the answer is or even waiting to hear it (and I have been guilty of this myself). Or they will casually tell you that they will pray for you and never think of it or you again...

It really refreshed my spirit and my heart to hear how he truly meant every word he said and I know that if I needed to call them at 2 AM he would not begrudge me one little bit.

I am so very blessed to be in the church I am  in; I absolutely love the family we all are and how we all help each other.  We truly are a family of bothers and sisters, and love our neighbor as we are instructed to.

I am a very fortunate and blessed lady; yes, I have trials.  God never said we wouldn't; He simply said He would strengthen us to get through them. And He has and does!

There's fire in them there kids

This is what my Children's Church class looked like during prayer time.

These kids are passionate about what they pray and who they pray to.

From the biggest to the smallest...they put their mind, strength, body and soul into all they do.

It does my heart good.

I.C.U. too much

That's right I.C.U. too much but I don't mean you or you - really I don't.  I worked in I.C.U., or Intensive Care Unit, on Saturday; I am a ward clerk there.  I worked 8 hours there on Saturday, as I said, and then I ended up spending some unscheduled and unwanted time there yesterday on personal business. 

At church yesterday morning our very dear friend began having intense chest pains; he had been having pains on and off for a couple of days now but he is a stubborn, stubborn man! During service BigB ran over to me (he is the head usher so we never sit together at church), threw the car keys at me and told me he was rushing W to the hospital!

I brought the kids home, fed them and went up to the hospital to get BigB and S (W's wife) to take them out to eat.  She is diabetic and hadn't eaten since early that morning.  I spent some time in the ER trauma room after I brought W an MP3 player and S a coffee and stayed with them as the doctor decided it was best to admit W to ICU for observation and to keep an eye on his Trop levels.

Today, it sounds like he is doing better- not yet discharged but better.  It was so very hard to reign in panic and worry and to not let those bad thoughts take over and run amuck.  I kept on saying to myself things like "God is bigger than this and it will all be ok" and "I do not allow these thoughts to control me - worry will NOT control me".

It was easier said than done.

A lady I work with wasn't feeling well the other day and was sent home from work; she went to lay down.  Fifteen minutes later her husband went to check on her and she had passed away.  Her funeral is today. She was 47 years old.

I have an uncle in the hospital dying right now from brain cancer and another just got out of the hospital after having a stroke.  Both of these uncles are barely 60 years old. The uncle who had the stroke has to wait who knows how long to get a specialist appointment to see how he is doing.  Where he lives there isn't much for medical care, let alone specialist.  My uncle seriously lives with the polar bears.

Now I don't say these things because I am looking for sympathy; I am not sad.  Well, I am sad but I am not grief-stricken by any means.  Some people don't understand that.  I love all these people (except for the lady I worked with - I only knew of her) but I keep focusing on God, praying and knowing that He can and will bring fullness and wholeness to all of these situations.  Does this mean my uncle won't die from the cancer that is keeping him in the hospital right now?  Not for sure.  But I know that if (and when he does eventually die) God will strengthen me and give me the peace I need.

But for now, I am going to go hug my family, spend some time with them and enjoy their company.  We aren't guaranteed tomorrow - spend today wisely.

Like Peas in a Pod Peanut Butter and Jam

These two are like peanut butter and jam/jelly (whichever you prefer).  Highschool sweethearts.  Working towards their second year of marriage.  They go very well together, I think - just like peanut butter and jam and not like BigB's favorite peanut butter and cheese whiz.  I don't think that sounds like it goes together at all...

The funny thing is that that is not how they became known as P.B and J - not at all.  They both worked at McDonalds during high school and one day, I asked P.B for extra pickles on my cheeseburger.

MMMM...pickles...

Sorry, I got distracted a little.

P.B. was making my cheeseburger and he put about 15 pickles on my burger!  I started calling him Pickle Boy, which was then shortened to P.B.  Her name starts with the letter J and it just sort of stuck.

I would love to be able to say I was clever enough for that pun to have been intended but, alas, I was only quick enough to catch that there was a pun.

I do need to brag a bit about J.  She just let us know that she finally got her marks back from the test she took to get her LPN credentials and she, of course, passed!  She has been stressing out over getting these marks back as she wrote the test quite a few weeks ago.

Anyway, I am so proud of my girl and all that she has accomplished in her life with her husband. She is a fantastic nurse ( and he is a welder), has a house with a garden,  two very adorable dogs that the younger kids love to visit and there is so much more to love about P.B. & J.  Anyway, I am very, very proud of the two of them. 

Drum Roll PLEASE!!!!!

The judges deliberated for many, many hours over over their FruitLoops this morning and have come back to me with their decision as to the winner of the fabulous "Name the Fish because I ran out of creativity" contest, in which the winner wins a big, fat nothing unless you count being mentioned on this blog and perhaps being able to score a CEO position by adding Namer of Fish on your resume. {Grin}

Ok, without further ado, the name of this fish

is Pearl, submitted by Melissa at Tiny Greek Goddess.  Thank you all three of you, for your suggestions.  Jellybean and Bug had a fantastic time deliberating.

Pearl seems to love her new name and is very relieved to not be referred to as No-name any longer.

Thanks for playing...

Wow! I'd like to thank the academy...

If I would have been standing while checking my email, I would have needed to sit down.

Make sense?

No.

Good.

That's sorta how I roll.

Ok, not really....but, well, never mind.

Back to the whole point of this post.

I opened my email and found out that I had been nominated by Beth for an award.  I thank you, Beth, for giving me this award.  I really, really appreciate it.  You are too kind.

Oh wait!  What do they usually say at the Grammy's or the Emmy's or something like that?  "I'd like to thank my manager and my mom and dad.  You guys ROCK! and..."  Ok, I know, I am just kidding!

Seriously though, Beth, it was very kind of you and I do thank you.

So, here it is...my Emmy....I mean my award

Now, there are responsibilities with this award, responsibilities I do not take lightly. {Grin}

Here’s what I – as a recipient of the award – must do:

1) Post it on my blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link, as well as a link to This Post from the original Superior Scribbler!

2) Pass the award to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

3) Add your link to the list of Superior Scribbler Awardees. This will promote your blog AND officially add you as a luminous Superior Scribbler!

I would like to pass this award on to
1. Susan at Warm Chocolate Milk
2.We are 9
3.New England Girl
4.Rev and the Missus
5. All My Monkeys

Never too young

I took Jellybean and Bug with me tonight when I went grocery shopping. Where else would they be, right? Anyway, totally not the point of the story.

We were passing the deli where they keep all the delicious looking sandwiches that they sell for $5 each when Jellybean had a brainwave. "Mom," she said full of excitement over her thought processes, "why don't you just buy me and Bug one of those sandwiches for our lunches and then you don't have to make us lunches anymore?! That would be so easy for you, heh?"

I didn't want to crush her really "great" idea but I took that time to explain to the kids about being good stewards of our money, then we discussed how much two of those sandwiches would be for one day of the week and then I showed and explained to her (Bug too but he wasn't really listening - what can I expect from a 6 year old boy about grocery shopping? Yawn)how much lunch stuff we could buy for that $10.

She will be getting a delicious looking egg salad sandwich tomorrow but I think this one only cost about $0.75 to make (if even that). She did get the message and you could see the "gears" turning in her head as she was figuring out what the best deal was, and as she figured it out and saw that she could have her sandwich and a package of mini oreo cakesters for lunch for way less than that one sandwich she was uber excited to go home so I could make as many sandwiches as I wanted.

P.S. I will be bringing forth all name suggestions to Jellybean and Bug tomorrow for judging and let you know of the "winner" of the unbelievable prizes as soon as I can. {Grin}

"Name that Fish" contest

Seriously...this is a name that fish contest. Why? Because my creativity is tapped.
What do you win? Absolutely nothing other than the satisfaction of knowing that the name you picked will last as long as the fish and my children's memory does. Oh, and you will be announced here so me and my 13 other readers will remember that you won the "Name that Fish" contest.

Rules? There are none other than the name needs to be family appropriate.

This is Hidalgo. Why? He is a "paint" and he as the same temperment as Hidalgo from the movie


These are the two remaining of the original three...Herman is the bigger of the two and Rosie.


This goldish, bronzish looking fish is called...you guessed it....Gold's Fish (sort of like Gold's Gym but fishy)


This is E.B.B. Covergirl...when you see the picture you WILL understand!


We have two of these guys, Chinese Algae Eaters, and they are The King and Sally, named after a certain someone's favorite Cars movie.



And now, my friends, it is totally your turn! I am so fish named out and I am at a loss for this poor fish. My inspiration has plummeted into almost non-existance! You think I jest but it is sadly true...

Please, name this fish...he/she can't be no-name for the rest of its life!


All you get is the satisfaction of knowing that a handful of people know you named the poor fish and perhaps you can add it to your resume...Namer of Fish. You never know, it could be the small detail that gets you that big CEO position...

...you never know!

And yes, I know this is a sad little contest...especially for being the first contest I have ever had...pitiful.

On a Sunday afternoon

this past Sunday afternoon to be exact, I was able to spend some time with all but two of my children. LilB stayed in KC,MO and Tuff ended up having to work.

It was my first time seeing Rush since she left and I cried on and off that morning - not knowing what to expect. She walked in, never said hello to me, never looked at me, nothing...other than plopping herself down on MIL's couch and grunting at us all.

...NICE...

The beginning of our time with the kids was spent with us trying to respond to Rush in love as she spoke to us quite rudely, arrogantly and, in all actuality, like a jerk. She kept calling her little brother and sister "kid" and spoke to them like they were pions. She kept acting like she was so incredibly happy and her life was so incredibly great but...you could tell that a lot of it was forced. We know she was just tring to hurt us and so, we tried not to take the bait.

I did have to leave the room and the Thanksgiving Dinner table a few times to catch tears that formulated their escape plan without my consent and I really did NOT want her to see me cry.

At one point she did move from the couch she was sitting on to a chair that was very close to me. I like to see that as a good sign. I like to see that as progress.

We did have fun and laughter but a lot of it seemed forced and awkward. I will admit to bawling like a baby the minute the apartment door closed them into the hallway as the kids were leaving. I was hurt by her tremendously: the way she talked to me, the coldness in the hug I asked her for when she was leaving, the way she treated and spoke to her little brother and sister.

I feel like a terrible mom for saying this but, after having had a "break" from her and then seeing her again and her treatment of us (especially the kids), I am almost glad that she doesn't live with us. It would not fair for Jellybean and Bug to have to live in the environment and atmosphere she was creating.

On that note, here are some of the fun and funnish times we did manage to have...
(Sorry for the poor quality of some of the pictures, we had "help" - ahem - taking some of the pictures)
Jellybean reading her "101 School Jokebook" to Rush and BabyK

...evidently it was a groaner, or she just got the joke. {Grin}

Bug attack...


Jellybean sharing more of her jokes with BabyK


Rush playing thumb wrestlers with Bug (these toys were the kids' uncle's from 1980-something; they really enjoy playing with them as their uncle was killed in a car accident a few years ago and they feel "connected" to him)


Bug loves Pb&J SO very much! (Just look at that expression as he looks up at J)


Showing us her Learner's License


So, there it was, on a Sunday afternoon, that I learned and had to accept the fact that perhaps the welfare of the two youngest children is better now that Rush has decided to leave our house. I had to accept the fact that Rush has chosen to dislike us for whatever reason but I refuse to accept that it will stay this way! I will NOT give up my girl and I have faith that one day (soon) she will be my girl again. Right now, she just doesn't want to be...

...and that hurts so very much - it is unbearable.

You have a little smoosh on your face

Just above your lip...

You have a little something...

Seriously.


Is it food?


Or a beauty mark?


A giant freckle?


Nope! Um, your "smoosh" just moved.



OH! It's Not Jack (name explanation here), the ladybug who flew into our car this afternoon to avoid the snow.

Hi, Not Jack! Thanks for joining us and for, like, not dying and stuff.

Winter Bliss

Weather pictures?! I know; I know. I would probably prefer to see pictures of my kids too and nice toasty, inside, warm pictures but...I thought some of you may enoy seeing what my world looks like. (New England Girl, definitely not as colorful or pretty as your area right now...)

Leaving MIL's apartment last night on our way home.



We didn't get very far down the highway. A mere 5 minutes out of town we KNEW the highways were too bad to chance it. Visibility was down to nothing.



We went back to MIL's apartment to spend the night and woke to this wintery wonderland this morning.


Crops lie swathed in the fields, waiting for the combines...


That sit silently waiting for warm, dry weather.


Some crops are still standing - at least they won't be rotting in swathes.



Poor cows...but, it will only get worse.

Checking In

Just borrowing my mother-in-law's computer and internet to email the babysitting manual to the pastor's wife for proofing and final approval. WAIT! DID I SAY THE MANUAL WAS DONE?! I so did didn't I!? HOORAY!!!

Had Thanksgiving dinner this afternoon. Will post pictures once back. We ended up turning around as we are in the midst of quite a snow storm!

Let's just say things with Rush didn't go as well as I had hoped and not as bad as I had feared. I guess that is the best way to put it. Overall we had fun with the kids and the in-laws...

I'll update you all when I can get those pictures up.

Thank you all for your kind words during my dark cloud, pity party moment. I truly appreciate them and you all, my new NIRL (yet?) friends!

Pardon me, ma'am but there seems to be an elephant on your chest

I am feeling overwhelmed - have been for a while now but this week especially. You see my husband is out of town every second week working and every other week he is in school during the evenings. He is never here, other than weekends; it has been this way since 2 days before Rush ran away from home, and I am exhausted.

My house is a disaster. Until tonight my kitchen counters were horrendous, and let's not even talk about what the kitchen floor looked like. I have a laundry pile that is growing more and more vicious as each day goes by, and all I have been able to do is was, dry and throw in the laundry hamper to await folding. I have a babysitting manual that needs to be done, proofread and sent for leadership approval and ready to be printed and put in book form for October 17 which I was supposed to be teaching at but...I got a call from the hospital the other day and accepted a shift in ICU (ward clerk) for that day - totally not realizing it was the 17th this soon.

I started moving our bedroom things from the room we are in now to Rush's old room and my room looks...well, it is indescribable.

I am overwhelmed. I am working, trying to do the parenting of two parents, cleaning, cooking and "renovating" and arguing with Rush (witout trying to argue with her) to find out why she ran away from home. She won't tell me and now, won't respond to my emails after I told her that she never gave us any reasons for her running away like she said she did and that all she did was run away from everything under the cover of night.

She won't talk to me and we are going to see her this weekend for Thanksgiving. It's been six weeks and I guess I just don't know anymore. I just feel incredibly overwhelmed.

I know it will get better and I know it is just the day and I know it is the end of a week where BigB has been gone and my list just goes on and on.

I am done rambling and am contemplating not posting this because it is so whiny and pitiful and full of me, me, me, I, I, I.
Please accept my apologizies for this pathetic post and know that once I am done this manual and the room is back to being able to walk in it I will feel much better.
Off to put some worsip music on and think about someone other than myself...

A penny saved...

We have recently decided that we needed to buckle down and get Jellybean and Bug an allowance. We have talked about it forever but we always pushed it to the back burner because we couldn't afford it at the time. We have decided that whether we can afford it or not is not the question. The question really is, can we afford not to?

We have struggled our entire relationship being tossed in wave upon wave of debt. We have just this year gotten so close to out of debt we can probably say we are. At this point, we owe $600 and that is it! Hooray!

Anyway, we thought that it was incredibly important that we teach our children about money and how to save it, and how to spend it properly. This is why, both, Jellybean and Bug get $15 each/month. At the beginning of the month I gather the kids in the kitchen and dole out their allowance (that they earn by doing chores around the house).

Each child's $15 is broken up into the following each month:
1 - $10
2 - $2
1 - $1

Each of the kids have three jars to put their money into: one for "saving for", one for "spending money" and one for "tithe/offering". They each, and joyfully I might add, LOVE to give 10% of what they earn to God for tithe and both willingly add money to it for offering. It's one of the highlights of the month for them - getting to fill out their very own offering envelopes. Each of them have decided to add $0.50 to their tithe of $1.50 to give an even $2.00.




Another of the jars is where the kids put $3.00 of the money to spend that month on whatever they want at the candy store, dollar store or to save to add with next month's for something bigger.

The third jar is the biggest jar of them all as it is going to have to hold and save a fair bit of money. Both kids are saving money to buy themselves each a NintendoDS. They are saving birtday money, $10 each month of their allowance money and they have bags upon bags of pop bottles and juice boxes to take to Sarcan to get recylce money back. (I am hoping to do that tomorrow.)



What do you do for your children as far as allowance goes? For teaching them the value of money? For teaching them how to save and for teaching them how NOT to wind up where we were, so far in debt we couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel?

What is this white stuff...and WHERE did it come from?!

Seriously, take a look at our patio table! I think our Autumn lasted 1 week! It will now be snowing, cold and dark from 4:30 p.m. until about 8:30 am. {sigh!}

Seriously? October 7th?

If you live in or around my area and some of this white stuff has fallen on you, please feel free to blame her...

...and him...

They have been praying since last week that it would snow soon! I know! That's what I said too!

Of Tanyatoo and Michael J. Fox

October is, as well as many other great things, National Down Syndrome Awareness month. For more than one reason I have a special place in my heart for anyone with Down Syndrome; I am drawn by them.

The biggest reason is that I have a beautiful cousin, who is a few years older than I am, who has Down Syndrome. I wish I had a picture I could upload to here of her so you all could see just how beautiful she is.

She is very excited to be able to celebrate her 40th birthday soon and wants to have a GREAT, BIG party! I hope she does have that party; I will certainly be there! I LOVE that girl!

We lived on a farm growing up, in fact it was my grandparents' homestead; we lived in a trailer a 20 second jog from my grandparents' - it was great! So when aunts, uncles and cousins came to visit Grandma & Grandpa, we got to see them too and what fun we had. (It was through my one cousin I developed a love for music but I digress)

We would play with Betty around the farm but we were restricted to where we could go with her so as not to put her at risk and I became the protector. It seemed to carry over into my adult life as I am very protective of people being rude,judgemental or demeaning to anyone with Down Syndrome (or any other handicap really - this is just more personal for me).

Can I share some of my favorite stories of Betty with you? Good.

My sister is the middle child and well, I found her to be annoying growing up; she was always a tag-along and always a tattle-tale. My mom was always yelling at us from the house or the barn to "play with Tanya too!". Betty swore my sister's name was Tanyatoo and called her that each time she talked to her without fail; I am certain that if Betty were to see my sister today she would call her Tanyatoo.

Betty loved Michael J. Fox; her absolute favorite show was Family Ties; heaven forbid you ever want to speak to her during the show, and she would only talk to tell you how much she loved Michael and that she was going to marry him. I never heard her ever refer to him simply as Michael J. Fox; he was always "My Michael J. Fox". Always.

So National Down Syndrome Awareness month is upon us. Has Down Syndrome touched your life? Why not do what you can to touch the heart of someone who has Down Syndrome or is a family member of? I know my aunt has spent her life and life's energy caring for Betty; she (my aunt) is now in her 70's and is still caring for Betty's daily needs.

While you are at it, although its "awareness month" is not until April, consider what you can do for people like Betty's Michael J. Fox who are valiantly fighting a war called Parkinson's Disease.

Thank you for allowing me to share about my wonderful cousin and to bring awareness to the "condition" she has but that doesn't have her. Please remember, when you are talking to people who have Down Syndrome (or other similar sydromes), talk to them the way you would talk to any other person. Don't speak down to them or be condecending to them. They deserve the same respect as you or I.

*stepping off soapbox*

Shift

The time has come. We are going to rearrange some bedrooms. Jellybean was moved into a room we could use as a bedroom, although it has no closet. Rush was feeling ripped off that she had to share her room with her sister who was half her age so, I spent all of two days to pack up and move out of my office and move Jellybean into it. I painted Rush's room, painted some canvases for her and made her a nice room. It now sits empty and Jellybean is squashed in this tiny room that is big enough to hold her bed and a dresser, and that has a over-the-door bar as a makeshift closet.

She isn't wanting to move into her sister's old room; understandably it makes her too sad to be in that room.

I will, over the next little while, be moving some stuff from our room to Rush's old room and then, Jellybean will move into the room we are in now. I think it will take a while for it to happen as I need to wait for BigB to come home to help me with some of the big stuff (dressers, beds and such)but I can certainly move some clothes and shelves and such...

Time to shift...

Babysitting

My computer time has been monopolized and not by my usual vices of checking out blogs and catching up on Biggest Loser. Oct 17 myself and a nother lady will be teaching the children, 12 & up, at our church a babysitting course. I am in the process of studying the Red Cross Babysitter's Manual and seeing what information they have and writing one up of our own to give the kids. Finding clip art and getting this manual typed up have proven interesting.

The other day I was trying to find clip art to show how to hold a baby in the cradle hold and all I could find was breast feeding clip art. {sigh}

Hopefully I will get it done soon; I am missing you ladies and would like to catch up on your blogs!