here we go again

I have dealt with one child not wanting me in their life and that lasted awhile, as I have written about here, but my middle child, the one who was abused, the one who has chosen to be a boy, the one one who has suffered with mental health issues and extreme anxiety and depression, has now expelled me from their life. I would love to say "for now" but I just can't say for certain.

The grief is similar to that of mourning the death of a loved one.  My heart is shattered. I am wrecked.  I can't recover from this....it will change me.

I can only hope that one day comes where I am welcomed back. Until then, I need to learn how to make the best of this new normal....

Under Shadows

How do I live under your shadow?
How do I continue to thrive?
How do I have limits and boundaries?
How can I even survive?

Your shadow haunts my fucking hallways,
A place where you have never been.
Every wilderness trail, shop, corner store...
This is getting damn well obscene.

I'm tired of the measuring stick at my door step.
So sick of everyone's  need to compare.
Such bullshit nothing can just be ours.
My heart hurts from my despair.

Your presence invades my space daily;
I wish you'd please just give us space.
Does he even see me
Or does he still just see your face?