Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Since my last post

There has been a concussion, a change of schools (not due to the concussion), a "could have been broken" sprained ankle that is preventing Jellybean from participating in her volleyball team for about 3 weeks, oh a volleyball team acceptance, a new trumpet player added to the school band, a new drumming student added to Mr Dean's music students, 2 new children added to the Saturday morning swim lessons and a gigantic family potluck planned for when my cousin, Svein comes to visit us this weekend, from Italy.

We also have a real ugly leak in our main floor ceiling that is irritating me and yet, somehow not getting fixed. Me thinks we need to remind the maintenance people...

So speaking of Italy and Svein and family and eating...mmmm eating... {kidding}

In 1 1/2 days (that's two sleeps, people!) I am going to the airport to pick up my cousin and meet him face-to-face for the first time ever! Pretty freakin' stoked about it - pardon my strong wording. :D

We are having the afore mentioned family potluck, letting him drink Canadian beer (this is a special request), perhaps taking him to buy a cowboy hat, he will see my my grandparents homestead and their gravesites and learn as much Canadian culture as he can in 4 days...

Jam packed!

And that being said, I am on my way. Laundry needs done. Grey hairs need covering and a "could have been broken ankle" is needing iced and elevated because I have no way of knowing how to keep that energetic one still for long, duct tape may be needed. {grin}  Oh and a lovely sign to take to the airport saying "Welcome Svein. Yes, this is your crazy family" in Norwegian is needing to be made...

I promise pictures as soon as he leaves. We have 4 days and I am not going to spend any of that time on a computer.  I know you all understand! :D

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Big sigh of relief

Yes, three weeks into school and the routine of things is getting back to being normal. There are new things on our routine. New school schedule, new work schedule, new schedule of being home/away for Daddy, drum lessons, swim lessons, a pay schedule for Jellybean.

Yes, she is watching her brother for the hour between the end of the school day and the end of my work day.  I am not about to ask her to do it for nothing but, given that she is a part of the family and is helping the family out by doing it, she is getting paid cheaply but it is "a lot of money" for someone her age - according to her. 

I like routine and that is why Fall usually brings me comfort.  You can rely on your meal plan because the weather will, 99% of the time, cooperate with your meal plan.  You can rely on Tuesday evenings being drum lessons so a quick easy supper is needed and Saturdays being swim lessons right after lunch so an early, lighter lunch is required and a planned snack brought for the car ride home.

I love Summer, very much but, I find by the end of it I have lost all motivation for meal plans, cleaning schedules, and have all but lost control on the ins and outs of running a smooth household.

This year has brought new challenges with schooling,  New school. New school system. New dynamic of children and new mindsets of children at the school.  Jellybean is experiencing racism and I think, although not substantiated yet, that that is the root of the issue with Bug being beaten up 3 times (that I know of) since the beginning of the year.  The biggest challenge for this mama is to not run to the school and feed the guilty boy to his parents on a nice platter and to just keep in contact with teachers and principal and documenting EVERYTHING... Ev-ery-thing...even if it is miniscule by itself to take to principals and school boards, if needed.  I have pictures of bruises and cuts and scrapes at the ready should this become a pattern and not a simple growing pain of getting to know a new school, the new kid and a bunch of new students who all ready have a natural order to their friendships.

It is also hard doing it without BigDaddy but we are learning to adapt.  He has been gone 4-5 weeks out of the last 6 and will be gone the next 2 on top of it.  It stinketh but it could always be worse.

So, here I am Big sigh of relief escaping my lips as I sit, realizing routine and normalcy is beginning to settle into the walls of this house again...although we are a bit on the excited side with a countdown going to the day my cousin, Svein, comes to visit from Italy!  The countdown is at 16 days!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A glimpse of a world outside her own

2 months and 19 days before she turns 11, Jellybean has experienced something I wish no one ever had to experience...ever. It is a hard lesson and not something easily processed but Jellybean has experienced her first bout of racism.  There is no such thing as prejudice in this house; I am a bunch of different nationalities and races. Some of our best friends are, we have been told, different races. Yes, it has been pointed out to us. I see people for their heart, that is what matters and that is the attitude we have taught to and marinated our children in.

Today, Jellybean's heart broke because a young friend of hers as decided that Jellybean is no longer her friend because Jellybean is white.  She doesn't understand, and I know nobody does, the mindset of racism.

I explained to her that she is always to remain nice to this young lady, to offer a smile and to pray for her. I also told her that she does not want to be friends with someone who judges anyone based on skin color.

I am new at this and so, I am requesting your help, your advice...anything else I can tell her, anything else I can do when/if there are future events

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Head has been Spinning

I know a lot of times I come back from a blogging sabbatical by saying how life has just been busy, and it has, but this sabbatical has been more about shock and grief.  My dad began dating, and married, a lady 20-some years ago. The majority of my life.  A couple weeks ago she chose to walk out of my dad's, and our, life. 

There has been a lot of grieving over what was, over what we thought was, over what never was and what never will be.

My biological mom, emotionally left us when I was 8. I am not going to go into the details of how or why, because I will not speak ill of her; she just did. When I was 13 years old, she chose to leave our home for good and our relationship has never been a true mother/daughter relationship since.  I fell in love with my step-mom as a mother figure, knowing that there were things that weren't perfect in that, seeing that there were differences in relationship between her kids and "his kids". I turned blind eyes to it because in my heart I just really wanted a "mom".

There have been, as in every relationship, little things that added up to become a giant, out of control ball of rolling goop. I am not going to say it was heavy handed on one side or the other because it takes two to dance, right? That being said, I have now seen two moms walk out of my life.

You may say something like "that doesn't have to be" and that's what I said too but circumstances and her words/actions have dictated that, no, it does have to be.  A choice has been made.

In the last two weeks I have cried more than I care to admit. My whole life one of my biggest desires is to have a relationship with a mom; even as a woman in my 30s, I desire that relationship, to have "those talks", those lunches, those moments... I pray that will come.