Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Perfection... Or Not

I remember coming home from school and watching shows like "The Cosby Show" and "Family Ties" (I realize I am dating myself now) and imagining how perfect they were. How wonderful that life was. A lawyer of a mom, a doctor of a dad whose office was in their house so they were home, as was the case for The Cosby Show.  Their house was spotless (other than a few episodes that showed us Theo's room or Denise's once in awhile); their kids were well dressed, well fed not very spoiled.  Cliff and Claire were an example of discipline, stability and love all wrapped up in incredibly disciplining, life-lesson teaching hilarity.  I wanted that life.

I figured I could be the mom with the amazing career, married to an amazing man with an amazing career, with great children, and a great house and two cars and I would never have to worry about how we were going to pay a mortgage, car payments, insurance, school fees, college tuition, utility bills and keep our children in clean, properly fitting, non-holey clothes and shoes.  Oh yeah, and my house would be immaculate and my parents and my in-laws would be fabulous and we would have wonderful family dinners and any little problem we did have would be solved in a half an hour...or right after the next commercial break.  {right?}

Truth is, I don't live a Hollywoodized life.  My husband and I argue at times - sometimes it's over the dumbest things.  My children, as wonderful as they are, can sometimes grate on my last nerve and find me talking to them with a voice full of frustration, not oozing with love.  I wake up most mornings, especially when BigB is gone for the week, wondering if my 6 year old son has wet the bed - again.  BigB and I have even gone to bed still feeling perturbed with each other {gasp}.

At this time, we don't have the finances to go out and buy our children brand new wardrobes and I think they have both grown 4 inches in the last couple of months so, my kids (Bug especially) do, occasionally, leave the house with pants that leave me reminded of Steve Erkel {Did I do tha-at?}. Most days I am happy to get Bug to leave the house wearing socks so it isn't a big deal to me if one is navy with white stripes and the other white with orange stripes.

At this moment, I have a dishwasher full of clean dishes and a counter speckled with tonight's supper dishes, and there is a small mountain of laundry that I have dubbed Mount Laundruvius waiting for me in front of my laundry room (and it is perfectly content to lie there and procreate at this very instant).  There are days I feel there are no where near enough hours in the day to get all the things done that I need to get done and yes, I could be doing some of those things right now but I am choosing to ignore the looming dish fiasco to connect with my internet friends, to share with you all that we can not measure ourselves to the lives  TV shows and movies set for us.  It isn't real.  I know of no family that actually lives like that - none.

My "to-do" list is longer than my "is-done" list.  My cupboards aren't as full as I would like them to be.  My children aren't dressed as cutely or as matchingly as I would like to see them and my bedroom is the one room in this house that, when company drops by, we clean it simply by shutting the door because there is, at this time, no hope for that disaster zone.  My husband and I do not end the day by getting into our matching silk pajamas, climbing into our cozy bed together, reading novels or talking about how it was a perfect end to a perfect day, kiss each other and lie down with our perfectly coiffed hair.  Most times one of us is in bed long before the other.  I am usually in pajama pants and a t-shirt, and I am lucky if they are the same color; I'm just glad they fit {grin}.

But (and this is a big but), I am happy with my life.  There are things that could make it easier or filled with a few more comforts but, in reality, they don't matter to me.  My focus, our focus is not on creating some illusion of perfection.  Our focus is to raise our children to the absolute best of our ability with whatever resources we have at the time.  I don't want to create some outward sense of perfection, some illusion that others will feel they have to live up to {Yes, I am not washing my dishes so you feel better about yourself.  You. Are. Welcome.  Grin}.  Our focus is to raise our children in a God-centered life where what we do benefits not only us but first and foremost, God. 

I watched a video from Focus on the Family today as they talked with some christian mamas, like MckMama, and one of the moms, Tammy Maltby, said this, "Be intentional about loving the people in your home."  It really struck me and reminded me of something our Worship Pastor said, Worship God on purpose. Make it count and make it mean something."

I choose to do both of these, even through my imperfections because what others may see as imperfections in me are, in some cases, me putting my priorities in a different order than theirs (not better different).  My priority is to have my children in a Christian school where there is a monthly tuition.  My priority is to have them learn how doing things for the benefit of others is so much better than worrying about and focusing on ourselves.  My priority is for them to be in a church that teaches The Bible, Kingdom principles and restoring honor to God.  My priority is not to impress Martha Stewart (although that would be cool) but to spend my time doing things to help others (and my children are right there with me helping or reading a book or something but they are there).  I don't want to appear like I have it all together.  The only "together" I have is  a God who strengthens me, a family who loves me on purpose (and who I love on purpose) and a terrific group of IRL friends and bloggy world friends who lift me up when it seems like life has, temporarily, pulled the carpet out from under me, who share in my joys, my sorrows, my "hooray" moments, my epic fails...my life.  I don't want to strive to be perfect but I want to be perfected with a pure heart and pure motives.

So, let's throw off the charade we have created for ourselves.  I know I don't want to present myself to you as perfect (I don't think I have...) as I am far from it. Maybe I could start by cleaning my room...{wink}

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Losing weight

No, I'm not talking about physical weight, however that would be uber nice too {I shall not digress this time}.  I am talking about the fact that I am getting a trunk full of stuff out of my house today: the stuff I showed you all a few days back plus another bag of odds and ends, a basket, 8 drinking glasses, and a unicorn picture that my mom gave Jellybean a few years ago and has never been put up in her room.  She never really liked it.

Why did I keep it?  Didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings, I guess.  Several years later I can say she just grew tired of it.  I need to lose that mentality.  I am not keeping stuff around & load us down with junk to apease someone's state of mind.  I can politely tell them that it didn't suit our needs and that we gave it to someone who needed it or something to that effect, right?  Nothing wrong with that, right?  Or wrong?  I don't really know.  I am just hoping right.

It feels good to get that clutter out of here.  It does feel like sudden weight loss.  I feel lighter, freer.  I don't feel stuck or stressed.  I think too much "stuff" will lead to stress or over stimulation or something to that effect because I do seem to feel a lot lighter right now.  Even though my livign room is full of piles, stacks and a heaping laundry basket of stuff to take out of here in order to paint.  I doubt I will put most of it back in this room.  I am turning into a declutter addict.  Good?  Bad? I am not sure but I am tossing and selling and I am on a roll!

Sorry, no pictures of it.  Still can't figure out why I can't load pictures to blogger AND my battery is on the wall in the charger right now.

Dear Blogger

I have tried for two days to post pictures.  Each day has equalled a big ol' fail.  Please look into this.  Thank you.
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And in other news... I enjoyed a lovely breakfast date with my husband today.  We then went to look for paint samples for my Pastor's house (I am helping his wife with some of that stuff) and I will be emptying our living room in order to do some patching tomorrow and we will begin the painting process of our house!  Yay!
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Tonight, I will be doing mudding and sanding in my son's classroom so I can get it painted ASAP.
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I have two children left living in my home and they are both growing up WAY too fast! Bug has informed me, as of yesterday, that he is no longer in need of the Lightning McQueen wall stickers he has in his bedroom.   Say what.  Aren't you still a little boy.  I guess we are going to need to "big boyify" his room as we are doing with Jellybean's (only she is asking if she can make her room more suitable for an "almost pre-teen").  She is more interested in creating outfits, doing her hair and making sure her nail polish matches her outfit than with playing with dolls and wearing pigtails. 

Um, where did that time go?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Tomorrow

Is a "church day" and I am so excited and expectant of what is going to happen!  Sometimes I feel like I won't EVER get to sleep on a Saturday night but I promise I do.  {grin}

How about you {for those of you who happen to attend church}?  Do you get excited to go?  Do you go every chance you can or do you go with a feeling of duty and that that is what is expected of you?

Please share.

Date NightDay

Today (after we wake up from our "Friday's" sleep) Jellybean & I will be working on her, first ever, science fair project.  We've been working on it the last couple of weeks doing research and painting her board and all but now we are down to crunch time. 

Science Fair is Wednesday night.  Sunday we will be in church and doing church things most of the day; Monday night the kids have music lessons and Tuesday will be the night for last minute touch-ups.

We've been having a lot of fun working on this together.  She doing the work and me guiding her through her first science project.  She is excited to be learning.

Learning about pink dolphins and why God made them pink.

Learning how to organize herself for a project of this magnitude.

Learning how much fun her and her mom can have together.

Lots of learning...and painting...and cutting...and fun.

So far, the thing that has struck her the deepest is the fact that male dolphins have nothing to do with helping the females raise their babies.  She thinks that "that must be very, very hard.  I'd hate to not have my daddy around.  Maybe they should learn that their kids love them too."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Priorities

Let's just say that sometimes I really, no - I REALLY, REALLY need to realign my priorities.  It has been so easy lately to get caught up in just sitting and "relaxing" when I am home that I have on occassion, set aside some very important things in my life.

And I am so not even referring to the fact that I still need to wash the pot I made supper in and that the countertops are full of ketchup (thanks to my Bug).  I am talking about REALLY important things.

I am referring to the wonderful time I just spent doing a devotional for pre-teen girls with Jellybean while we snuggled on her bed, and the wonderful conversation and giggles we shared after.  Or the little Bug who asked to sit on my knee and I was "too tired".  I really was but, that is one moment I will never get  back again. 

Just now I am enjoying the watching my cat Fatcat Jewel curled up on MY warm, fuzzy blanket looking like a young kitten again.

Do I really want to miss these moments because other things are too important?

I know I am busy; we are most always on the move but, we are most always on the move together.  If I go to the church to do some of the work I have been asked to do, the kids come with me and we spend time together that way but, there is just something so simple, so pure, so wonderful about just being still with your child - having a moment just for the two of you.

This morning the kids were almost late for school because we decided to lay back down on my bed after all was said and done in the "get ready dept" and we just lay there, Bug on one side of me and Jellybean on the other.  It was well worth the zippy driving I did to get them to school before the bell so they wouldn't get demerits.

If there are times you think it may be just a smidge too quiet around here and you are pretty sure there are no irons in my project/task fire, please smile and know that I am somewhere snuggling with, giggling with and loving on one of these precious kids of mine (or maybe my husband)

Welcome. Let's chat!

I, in the middle of a sleepless night a couple nights ago, decided to put a BlogFrog community on here for discussions. I just started one on how I feel about the state of kids' school lunches (inspired by Jamie Oliver). Come join me...so far I am pretty lonely. {grin}

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Path I Took

I began going to a church that told me to sing but not too loud, to clap but not too hard, to obey the word of God but "just use it as a guideline". (I had been in several churches like this, on and off, throughout my life) I knew that since church started at 11:00 AM, we should be out after 2 hymns, a chorus and a 30 minute sermon and I'd be in line at the local buffet by 12:30. I was told "God is here" but I never felt Him. I was told I was making God SO happy because I came to church for an hour or so each Sunday morning; I was even called a good and faithful servant for simply doing that.

I felt frustrated. What was wrong with me? Why could I not be satisfied with this docile, dead drivel I was being taught? Why could I not be satisfied hearing about how much God loved me and what He was going to do for me? I felt there was so much more to God than I was being told then my husband took our oldest son down to KC, Mo to go to a church/Bible Training Center, and he came home changed - completely full of life, hope, excitement, joy...He talked about what he had experienced non-stop. It. drove. me. nuts!

A few months later we both made the almost-24-hour drive and I had a life changing encounter with the power and presence of God like none I had ever known. The moment we stepped on the property you could feel a difference in the atmosphere. It was excitement, hope, joy, peace and love all rolled up into this overwhelmingly real, tangible presence of God and I began to weep the moment I was there, knowing that this was what I was missing.

We made several more trips down, several great friends and hopeful plans to move down there- all the while attending a church that was teaching us a powerless God who exists only to make us happy, to save us and to make us feel good.

The trips down were far between as each trip we took down was on credit & we were getting closer and closer to bankruptcy. We would come back refreshed & renewed but would grow more weary, frustrated and exasperated as each day we were back came and went. October 2008 ws the last trip we have been able to make. We knew, if our marriage meant anything to us, we HAD to go & we had to make permanent changes - no matter the financial cost.

That trip opened our eyes on so many levels and it restored our marriage completely! We came back home with an underlying sense of turmoil. You see, the pastor of the church we attended was a very, very dear friend. We had emotional ties; we had made promises. We had commitments.

Our first service home something snapped inside both of us & we. were. done! We took our children home, went to a restaurant & went over both our thoughts. We decided to go to a new church in town (just a couple years old at the time) that was being pastored by a man we knew and had some what of a history with but this post is long enough for now so I think I will leave that part for another time.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Declutter Junkie

Oh, March has been good, when I have been up to or, home to declutter I have been on a streak!  You know, just to toot my own horn and all. {grin}

5 bags of clothes (but in all honesty, I think I may have posted this picture before).


 13 towels taken to Value Village, 4 towels and 1 face cloth given to a friend and 1 towel turned into rags as it was pretty worn out.

One crockpot went to a friend who is just moving out on her own.


16 coffee mugs, 2 travel mugs and 1 water jug to Value Village.

(Not shown: 7 freebie plastic glasses from kids meals from zoos, movie theatres, etc, 1 lidless water jug, 2 travel mugless lids and 3 cracked plastic glasses.)


These Strawberry Shortcake plates are going to a little friend of Jellybean's the next time we see her.  The plate and bowl to the Bob the Builder glass have all ready gone to a little friend of Bug's and we will take him the glass.

It feels SO good to get this stuff out of here!  Plus there are a few things I have not got pictures of yet:  aflower arrangement, a piece of art that my sister gave me that just doesn't fit with our house.  AND I am going through some of my drinking glasses but most of them are in the dishwasher right now.

Breaking Point

Nope, I am not having a meltdown - not even close.I have had an encounter - a life changing encounter. Let me lay it out for you.

March 13, 2010 I reached a breaking point at the altar at our church during the College Days Conference.  An absolute breaking point.

I found myself broken at the altar before God, a sobbing wreck of a person with my make-up streaming down my face in black streaks, and I didn't care who saw me or what they thought of me.

I realized that I was a wicked person who carried within me a lot of pride.

"Wicked?", I hear you question.  Yes, wicked.  That word doesn't have the same meaning to God as it does to us.  We define it as what people do, but to God wicked is a state of our heart.

I need to discern the condition of my heart.  I cried at that altar asking God to forgive me because He showed me that more often than not what I do is not to please Him.  Sure, I do it hoping it will please God but I have made Him secondary.  God revealed to me that I need to do things primarly on what pleases Him  first then man.  I, in some most cases, had it backwards.

God showed me areas of my life that were entangled with pride.  God opposes the proud and, just to put it in our perspective, our pride opposes Him.  Pride doesn't listen.  It has a nature and a character all on its own.  It is defensive and it knows all the answers.  Pride leaves behind it a trail of pain and destruction.

The proud have an untrainable, unteachable spirit and go around and around the mountain having the same problems all the time but won't listen to people who offer them an answer because they have ALL the answers, right? Yet somehow they are still circling that mountain, dealing with the exact same issues they were dealing with last year and the year before...

My pastor gave an illustration of pride as being like an octopus, wrapping its tentacles around us, sucking the life right out of us.  Pride is critical of things and people; it is anger and strife and bitterness.  And the age we live in only adds fuel to the prideful fire.  We live in an age where we feel we have the right to be right.

Two Saturdays ago, in the midst of a hundren people or so, I poured myself out on the altar to a God I love and trust.  We, as a corporate body, poured ourselves out to Him and His presence fell so thick that we could not stand.  And He told me to honor HIM before man.  I chose, that night, to 'tap out' (like in UFC), to willingly surrender to God and to allow Him to strip me of pride.

I know I have a long way to go.  I don't have all the answers other than that I need God more and more and the more He shows me the more I realize how little I know and how much I need Him.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I interrupt your regularily scheduled

quietness from around here to say I will be back VERY soon.  I have a tremendously annoying sinus cold and I am not quite able to string too many coherent sentences together. That combined with still trying to do my day-to-day duties and trying to get some interior decorating done for our church has me wiped.  I am also in the thought process stage of  writing a new skit...my last, The Biggest Loser Church Edition, was a success and I have now been asked to write one on Gnats and Camels.  (I promise to explain what that means at a later but very soon date.  I also promise to get that post up on prayer that some of you asked me to explain through comments on my blog or, mostly, through emails).  This skit needs to be written and perfected by our conference in May.  In between now and then we have a science fair with school that I am guiding Jellybean through (as this is her first science fair project), decorating the church foyer, a classroom and the ladies bathrooms, and preparing for a conference in April.

April's conference: Contending for Revival
May's conference: Restoring His Order

Looking forward to them both!

Now...back to napping;
I have used all the strength I can muster. {grin)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Totally Gross

story to share with you all. you know, 'cuz I'm uber sweet like that.

I am shuddering just thinking about it again - shuddering, convulsing and heebyjeebying just to share this with you.

Oh the things I do... (just kidding)

Ok, here is the story, as told to me by my very good friend Pam.

She & her husband know of a lady who had a Boa Constricter (the story is gross all ready). She loved her snake a lot and since she was a single lady she had this creature sleep with her at night. {Seriously!? Who does this!?) I mean, why? To keep her company? To make her feel safe? What? I mean I love all God's creatures but some are best loved a little farther away than others, right?

So, this Boa Constricter would lay, stretched out lengthwise, next to his loving owner. He stopped eating. No matter what the lady gave him, he.would.not.eat. She was worried about him, thinking he was sick. {Does anyone have any idea where this is going yet?} She took him to the vet and explained the situation. It came up in the conversation that this thing slept with her - stretched out alongside her from her head to her feet. The vet told her that she needed to get the snake out of her bed and locked in his terrarium and

to

not

sleep

with

him

EVER

AGAIN!

Anyone want to guess why?

Anyone want to guess why that snake was not eating?

Does anyone know why he would sleep stretched out beside her the way he did?

Does anyone know if there is a relation between these two seemingly unrelated points?

The reason the vet told her, with such urgency, to get that thing back in his terrarium was because he was preparing to EAT. HER!!!!! {This is where I lost.it when the story was being told to me.} He would lay stretched out beside her to make sure she was the "right size" and he was starving himself in order to prepare his body for this feast!

I can't even go on!

You can thank me all for telling you that story later, after your stomachs have stopped turning and the hair on your body has quit standing on end; I mean, after all, I HAVE to be an extremely generous person to share something so. absolutely. disgusting. with you all. Right?

See, my fears about the "killer lizard" from this post don't seem so unwarranted now, do they? {grin}

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Raw(e) Distractions

Sami over at Sailor & Company issued a challenge.  I like challenges. The challenge?  Post an unedited picture related to the theme.  This week's theme?  Distractions.

I am distracted by this beautiful girl, this fun loving, sparkly eyed gorgeous young lady.  She doesn't look like this anymore.  Physically she looks like this but the sparkle is gone, the life in her eyes is gone; she has replaced it with anger, bitterness, resentment and dishonor.

She doesn't live here anymore.  7 months ago she ran away from us.  I am distracted by her absence quite often.  What is she doing?  What are her friends like?  Is my mother (who she lives with now) giving her rules and boundaries that will help her to grow or is she feeding into Rush's selfishness and demanding ways?  Does she really think she is happy? Does she realize what she has left behind?  Does she regret her decisions?

Does she miss God?  Does she feel the void? Does she really hate us, the way she treats us?  Does she realize how many people she has hurt? Does she think about what she has done to her brother and sister? 

Will we ever be able to laugh the way we once did?  Eat Chocolate Explosion together or share Cactus Cuts?  Will we go together to pick out her grad dress or her wedding dress? 

Distracted.

She leaves me distracted.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Just a glimpse



Into the conference this weekend.




Just a few pictures of our worship team.  I love this team I am on! LOVE it! Obviously, I never took these pictures as I was on the platform this weekend and never behind the camera.

These photos were taken by my friend at Gene's Fotos.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Eggsactly

In 2004, Rush had a school project, to care for an egg - a raw egg - as though it were a baby. We found all sorts of things to care for her Eggbaby.
All sorts of things were borrowed from Jellybean's bin of doll accessories - bottles and carriers...


She fed her little Eggbaby.


She carried it in a doll carrier lined with doll blankets, one of Bug's slippers (so it wouldn't roll around and dressed it in one of his baby socks.)


Here's her baby supply stock taken from, as I said earlier, Jellybeans' toys and Bug's diaper bag.


Here's the little eggstra specail bundle with its favorite toy.

It even needed a babysitter one night. Thankfully Pa, my dad, was game enough to care for this eggstraordinary bundle of joy.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Welcome

The business of this weekend has all ready begun so, I am in and out of this internet world like a flash but, I really wanted to take a second (or 5) to welcome my new followers!
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
It's great to have you pop by and I can't wait to get to know you as I have been getting to know all of these great followers I have. I think I have the best followers; I also think I have the best kids so there may be some bias in there {grin}.
Anyway, welcome; please know that I am usually not so poor of a hostess - only on conference weekends. {grin}
Between comments and emails, I will be working on a post about how we have been being re-taught prayer soon...it will be after the conference for sure though.
Have a great weekend. Enjoy the fun little posts I have scheduled for you to peek at if you wish...

Brotherly Love

My son, LilB, loves Kit Kat chocolate bars. We used to send him some down to Kansas City, Mo because, as he states, "they are made out of different chocolate down here and just not the same".

Anyway, LilB wanted to pass on his love of this chocolate to his siblings. Jellybean was not interested in it AT. ALL when LilB tried to give it to her but, take a gander at these pictures when it was Bug's turn...
{People with an aversion to messes, especially messy kids, consider yourself warned - GRIN}




Thursday, March 11, 2010

Women go crazy for a sharp dressed man

This friendly looking individual is my husband. He's quite a charmer, isn't he? This picture was taken in April of 2004 when he was playing Barabus in an Easter play our church, at the time, was putting on. He was, um, very convincing.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Getting Excited!

Tomorrow is the kick off for College Days at our church.  A busy weekend awaits.  A busy weekend, yes, but a life changing weekend.  Tomorrow we are starting by having a corporate prayer night for our church - prepare ourselves, the atmosphere, etc before the first actual service on Friday night.

We, on the corporate prayer team, have been learning a whole new way to pray, a whole new way to approach God.  It has been revolutionizing to say the very least.  Perhaps, if any of you are interested, I will share some of the prayers I have written out during some of our exercises (whie re-learning how to pray).

So, I am expecting great things to be happening this Friday, Saturday and Sunday and I am so excited to see what God has planned for us this weekend. I will have to write down some of the things I have been learning the past little while, once I have them sorted.

 The little insert photo on the bottom left-hand of the above poster is of our worship team.  What a great group of people that I get to spend many hours each week with.  We are more than a team; we are family!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A Whole Lotta Watoto Love


This chubby faced, curly haired cutey is what my Jellybean looked like at 3 years old. (I know. I will stop for a moment so you can look at her and sigh over her cuteness with me...) The doll beside the doll is Watoto - a doll made in an African village by some of the moms. Watoto still lives with us; her hair is no longer all cute as Jellybean took ALL her little hair wraps out.
Because of having Verbal Apraxia, Jellybean couldn't say very many words but when she met Precious, a young lady from the Watoto Children's Choir (click link to watch a videoclip of these fantastic kids - including the beautiful, young Precious) but she kept talking about "Toto over and over.
She became infatuated with this beautiful handmade doll and we bought it for her. She is a well loved doll and I think will be for years to come.
Watoto is Swahili for children and the children from this choir are orphans, most having lost their parents to AIDS. If you watch the video clip I linked to, which I encourage you to do, you will see a group of vibrant, joyful children, who have every reason in the world to wallow in self-pity and depression. Put your sunglasses on when watching. The glow from the screen is not a computer malfunction that it their captivating, big, wide, bright smiles that comes from pure joy. I promise you won't be able to watch them without being overcome with joy and you will close off that video with a huge smile on your face.
I know we were priviledged to meet these children when they came through our town and fell, instantly, in love with each and everyone of them.

Didn't I just do this?

Here it is, another Tuesday. Another week with my husband being gone for work. He was home on the weekend but, by the time I get groceries, do our running around done, get his laundry done, packed and ready for another week, and all the run-of-the-mill stuff you need to do everyday for a family we didn't really see him.

And so...

He is gone again.

And...

We have all ready had tears this morning; the kids don't function well with Daddy gone. Their sleep is restless, their concentration minimal, their patience with each other near extinction. And me? I am at the height of emotional this go around. Mad because BigB never woke me up at 5:45 AM to say goodbye to me. Mad because the last thing I remember is him elbowing me so hard last night as he rolled over in bed that he almost "threw" me off the bed. Mad because it gets frustrating and lonely when he is gone. So far, in March, he has been home 3 days and he was gone, what seems like, the last half of February.

Bug feels his daddy is going to do the same thing Rush did - never come back. He told his daddy this last night through tears from both parties. I know it is hard on BigB too; I know he misses us but he usually only talks about the hotels he is staying in and all the steaks he eats (if he doesn't say he misses us out loud, it's easier for him - guy mentality or something).

So, week number two is underway. It is 9:10 AM and I have all ready cried into my phone at BigB so hard and so much that I was thinking I almost had to put it in packing popcorns to dry it out. {GRIN}

Anywho, that's my Tuesday thus far and it's only just begun. (Sick! Now I have that song stuck in my head! Rats!)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Chances are...

If you were here with me

We would have just got the two kids tucked into bed.

We would have just listened to Bug reading (for real and not just making words to a story up by looking at the pictures) Cookies! by Robert Munsch.

You would be laughing with me over the fact that Bug decided he needed a hair cut tonight instead of brushing his teeth.

You would have had the same knowing look on your face when I walked into the bathroom to check on him, only to have his say, "Mama, it might look like I cut my hair but I never did.  Nope."

You would have known that we don't take kindly to lying in our house when you heard the discussion we had about it and how, sooner or later your lies catch up to you.  Jellybean even told him, "Bug, it says right in the Bible that our sins will be found out."

You would be helping me find a place that is cheap enough to "fix" his hair as best as it can without being a complete waste of money since it may take a bit to fix.

 You would also think it quite amusing that my husband handed me a $20 bill and said, "There! Now will you please go get two eyebrows!?"  (Not sure how to take that?  It is my joke that he is turning around on me.  I say that all the time especially to the girl at the salon, "Quick!  I need two eyebrows! Not one!".  So he was not being a jerk just a loving husband in a funny way.)

We would have just finished putting the last of the trailmix I "threw together" into snack bags and probably fighting over the last bit in the bowl - especially the chocolates! 

We also would have just finished putting "Goldfish" crackers into snack bags and into the kids' snack boxes.

We would be laughing and telling stories as we wait for BigB's clothes to finish drying.  He is out of town AGAIN this week (YUCK!) and I am doing his laundry while he is running between meetings and doing computer work at the church.

We would also be talking about how excited  our family is getting for the conference (College Days actually) that our church is having this weekend.  It will be busy but it will be GREAT!

We'd probably, by now, be trying to figure out how we could squeeze the calories out of cheesecake so we wouldn't feel bad for really, really, REALLY wanting a piece and we wouldn't feel bad about NOT sharing.

What would we be doing if we were at YOUR house?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Bleck!

Yep, that's what I said.  I am sick.  Siiiiiiiick!  (That's me whining just in case you weren't 100% sure).  The annoying thing is I feel not too bad as long as I am laying flat and still on my bed. 

This morning I wasn't even safe doing that.  I felt like someone had strapped me to the tilt-a-whirl. Yes, that is how badly the room was spinning BUT, I have made mucho progress.  I had some tomato soup, made for me by a spectacular Jellybean I know and I have been up for almost 1 hour.  It is almost time to go back and lie down though. 

Perhaps this will leave as suddenly and as unannounced as it came; in fact, I really encourage it to do so.  Rude little virus - not even announcing its arrival!  How rude!  Be gone with thy annoyng self and flee from me, FOOL!

Anyway, have a great Saturday all. Hope to be able to talk to you tomorrow!

Friday, March 5, 2010

5 Question Friday Follow

My Little Life

Friday Follow

1. What's your guilty pleasure?

Guilty pleasure, huh?  Guilty?!  What!  Do I LOOK guilty!?!  What are you trying to say?  You never saw a thing *slowly backing away* Nothing, I tell you; you saw NOTHING!  I'm afraid I can't answer this question without my lawyer present.  I'm sorry!  I just can't - especially after the entire Chocolate Fiasco of '87.  Infamous case; I'm really surprised (& relieved) that you haven't heard of me before because...Oh!  I almost said too much!

2. What is your favorite TV series?

I don't have "TV" per se.  I have the actual TV but we have no cable, satellite or other such means to watch many shows through it however, that said, I do still like to open my little laptop and watch me some Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover - Home Edition. 
3. Can you speak any foreign languages?

Fluently? No.   However, I can order french fries in French AND most importantly, I can ask where the bathroom is, what time is it, how do you say, how are you etc, etc along those lines.  I can tell you my name and possibly manage to garble out a half-witted conversation (on MY end) for oh, about 5 minutes.

I know a handful of Japanese words, a handful of Spanish words, half a handful of Norwegian words, a couple words in Cree, a... All right, I'll stop there!  I know a whole bunch of words tht amount to a hill of nothing much because I could only carry on a conversation with myself and I would probably leave confused!  (HA!)

I can also spell sign and know a growing number of ASL (but I guess that isn't really foreign is it?).

4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

According to my husband I only have one set of feet and, therefore, only require one set of shoes so I have 2 pair of runners (the work out pair and the painting pair), 1 pair of dressy flats, 6 pair of heels, 4 pair of dress boots, 1 pair of ropers, 1 pair of hikers, 1 pair of rubber boots, 2 pair of winter boots (emergency car boots and boots I wear for everyday), 1 pair of polishable black shoes for one of my jobs, and about 'fo*cough cough*our' pairs of flip flops (perhaps more).  That's a lot more than one set per pair of feet...and I would buy more (were I not trying to be the responsible one and well, you know, buy groceries, pay bills and whatnot.)  Oh curse you, you whatnot!!!!!!!

5. What's your favorite kind of M&M's...peanut, almond, straight up regular, etc.?

All time favorite M&M? Aside from the fact that it contains chocolate so that is just a given, right?  Ok, so on those grounds I would definitely say, without question, without hesitation that my favorite M&M is...Peanut the Green!  But only because he is so darn cute!  I could never eat him though!  Who would join the red guy?  However, were I to be going into a store and happened to have some money in my pocket and a sweet tooth going on (like THAT would EVER happen...unless it is laced with flax seed, organic and washed by virgin maidens it  isn't going into this body - my body is a temple.  Why are you giggling? You saw my picture?  Dagnapit!  I forgot all about that!  Rats!).

Ok, without further delay, to answer your question it would be the almonds!  I love almonds.  I love chocolate.  I love candy coating that won't melt in your hand! 

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I have answered all the questions but I have a dilemma.  The time is 11:49 pm on Thursday night.  What's a girl to do?  I can't hit "post" right now, just like that or I will be LYING!  *GASP* I can't post 5QF/Follow on Thursday!  The "F" is for Friday!  So, here's the plan, I will schedule this for posting in 15 minutes.  It will then be Friday; I am being authentic in having posted it ON Friday (because authentic is good right?) but I won't have to try and find the time to write this post tomorrow (almost today) and I will just have to link up with y'all during lunch (because nothing rounds out a perfectly balanced meal like blogger. Not a food group?  Oh!  Aren't you guys a bunch of Negative Nancy's.  {grin}.

Anywho, join up! It's fun getting to know you, getting to meet you and getting to be just a tad bit silly (which is one of the perks to answering these just before bed; I get to add in the goofy factor and I am all about the goof!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Boys are Funny

Tonight as I was bathing Jellybean and Bug, Bug asked if he could use his dad's body wash (Red Zone or something like that) because he wanted to smell like a boy. I figured that would be ok so, he smells like a boy. He and Jellybean were just cleaning up the "splash" mess all over the bathroom floor when Jellybean says to him, "you smell like a boy.""No I don't! I smell like a MA_AN!"As he said that he must have slipped on the wet floor because I heard a slight thud followed by a deep (for a 4 year old) boy's voice say, "Ah, that might have hurt."Sometimes I laugh at the things I over hear my children saying and I just have to write them down so I don't forget...you never know when you get an opportunity to tell a funny story.


*Originally posted Feb 19, 2008

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wordless Wednesday - Secrets


Click here to join in on Wordless Wednesday

Black & White Wednesday

the long road

Two of my favorite guys - the hot dog attacker is one of our best friends and that guy looking like he isn't quite sure what's going on?  Yeah, that's my honey - my BigB, my BigDaddy.

This was taken at a bar b que night for the church's school.

For more fabulous photos click onthe button at the top of my post to take you to Long Road to China's blog.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

True Story Tuesday



Just submitted this story to True Story Tuesday hosted by Once Upon a Miracle

Oh no she di'int!

Oh but I did!  I really, really did!  And it wasn't fun!  And it made me cry!  And I had to not go into work and that really stinks. But my friend made me grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup, then read me funny joke emails and made me chai tea and I feel much better.

What did I do?  Oh, I thought I told you.  I didn't?  Well...maybe I'll tell ya tomorrow...

Nah!  I'm just teasing. Don't take that tone of attitude with me!  I see you looking at your screen makin' those mad faces.

Let's just say that there is a police car parked in front of my house and I just had a friend call me to make sure I was ok and not in any trouble.

Now I really have you curious.

Ok, don't make lines!  Smooth faces!  Happy faces!

As I went to pick up Jellybean from school one of the boys I watch in the afternoons locked the door knob of our outside door.  No big deal, right?  WRONG!  Our door knob lock is broken and we can only lock our deadbolt or we cannot get into our house.  My husband is gone this week.  He didn't even have cell phone coverage.

What could he have done? Given me advice maybe.  Told me it will all work out. Know how bad my week has been so far (all because of one afternoon) and buy me something fabulous.  Oh yeah, he's in the boonies - nothing fabulous to purchase out there only some fabulous people and I have all ready locked enough people out of my house thankyouverymuch!

I did my best to take care of the situation myself.  I went to a friend's to see if they had a ladder. Nope. I went to my dad's, borrowed his ladder, climb said ladder and attempted to pry the screen off a window with my car key.  I wasn't quite tall enough.  Went to another friend's house to use their phone (you know 'cuz mine was sitting on the table beside my wallet INSIDE my house.  Called work.  Told them I may not make it in as I would probably be waiting for a locksmith plus I was still in my paint clothes from work this morning and had yet to eat supper anything all day.

Several calls to my husband hoping he was back to the hotel where he is staying and has cell coverage.  Nope.  The tears welled up again for the...I don't know how many times I cried, almost cried or bawled this afternoon.  I sorta lost count.

A call to another friend; his voicemail box was full.  I couldn't even leave him a message!

I didn't want to call my dad for help.  My dad hurt his arm a few years ago, has had several surgeries to fix it and is, as of yet, unfixed. He can only do a desk job for 3-4 hours a day and I HAD to call him to come help me.

He broke into my house rescued this damsel in distress by climbing a ladder, shimmying into the window, falling onto the floor (which was probably covered by lego and other non-soft toys to land on) and unlocking my door. I thanked him 100 times, told him that even when we are 35 years old sometimes the only man a girl can count on is her daddy, questioned him several times to see if he was ok and gave him the "hug test" (you know, put some pressure on that arm to see if he grimaces.  He passed).

I went back to my friend's house to get my kids and she made us that wonderful supper of chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese (boy cheese for Bug) sandwiches.  Thankfully, there were no more tears.

I am now safe in my very own house, on my very own couch with my very own laptop.

I just hope that police car is parked in front of my house because of something the neighbors did (and not that it was because they called them to let them know someone  broke into my house).  But it has been bit since I started this post and they are still not knocking on my door so I am pretty sure I am safe.

If they do knock, I am so ratting out my dad though!  If I go down, he's going with me!  {grin}

So?  What did you do today?

Monday, March 1, 2010

Sometimes

There can come beauty from much pain.  My two youngest children  proved that to me tonight.

Jellybean and Bug were downstairs practicing their guitar and drums when Jellybean brought her guitar upstairs and sat on the couch to practice - looking prettty sad I might add. A few moments later Bug chased her upstairs, shouting "I'm sorry!  I said I was sorry!"

A bit of investigating (BigB is gone for the week with work; we can't even do "good cop/bad cop" {grin}), I found out that he had told Jellybean that she was a mean, selfish person who didn't even love Rush or God.  You could tell, by the look on Jellybean's face, that his words really stung.

Now I know you guys don't personally know my Jellybean but let me tell you, she has the biggest heart I know! She will cry over her uncle who was killed in a car accident because she misses not getting to love him the way she loves my brother; she cries for the children in Africa who won't get to eat meals like her mommy's lasagna or be able to eat puffed wheat cake (not often but it will occassionally overwhelm her).  She writes notes to almost strangers 'just to make them smile' - like the girls who pierced her ears, her guitar teacher, the doctor that helped fix my brother's broken neck. She gave up ALL her savings money to buy a back window for our car when it was recently smashed out because 'we need a window more than I need a DS'.  (Please keep in mind, this young girl is 9 years old, so she does have a HUGE heart).  She loves her big sister with all her little heart and she is very in love with God.  So, to have Bug utter those words to her, shattered her heart into tiny little pieces.

I talked to Bug about why he said those things and he 'didn't know'; I asked him if he really felt Jellybean was those things and he said 'no'.  I then asked for him to apologize to her and I needed to hold back tears of my own because it was such a beautiful, tender and loving moment between brother and sister.

My 6 year old son went over to her, put his hands on her shoulders and began to apologize for each mean thing he had said, including telling her thngs she had done that makes him know she isn't; he, then, asked her to forgive him and he began to sob.

Jellybean looked at him, through teary eyes and said, "Bug, I just want to let you know I forgave you as soon as you said them but thank you for saying sorry." 

And then, the two hugged each other so hard and tight, I thought their heads were gonna pop off and they cried together (while mama sat on the couch and cried over seeing such a sweet moment between two of her children.).

It really was beautiful to see.