Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm envisioning

a nice message, planning, organizing center in my back entrance hallway...

It looks real nice in my head...

A place to keep the meal plan handy, my work schedule (since I work at two different jobs that will come in handy for everyone to remember where I am supposed to be at), cleaning schedule, chore list for the kids and all that jazz. 

Right now it's all on my fridge door and it looks cluttered and messy...

I hate cluttered and messy...

Do you have one?  What has worked for you? What have you tried and feel failed and why?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Calling all cooks!

Yep, that's right; I'm talking to you. Heck, I'm talking to all the not-so-hot cooks too, you know, the ones just like me. Average joes, so to speak.

I'd love to hear from you.  Please share your favorite recipes that will help us all out in our sometimes chaotic schedules. Freezer meals, crockpot meals, what have you...share them.  I know I would love to hear and I am certain my other readers welcome a change to the same old same old same recipes they use every day as well...

I'll go first.

Meatball Stroganoff

(now this doesn't save any time unless you pre-make the meatballs which I do the day of grocery shopping)
Make your favorite meatball recipe and fully cook.  To make the sauce add a 500 Ml container of sour cream and two cans of condensed mushroom soup.  I also like to add a bit of worchestershire sauce.  Cook until heated through (with the meatballs).  Serve over your choice of pasta noodle and with a big old salad and garlic bread.

It's a delicious meal on a dreary winter day!

Your turn.  Please share...

Winds of change are blowin'

Yes, they most certainly are. I am at a crossroads in my life where I have decided to get serious about a few different things: budgeting, food planning, organizing, pre-cooking meals for those days... You know the ones; the ones where it seems like you could have 3 or 4 of you and still not have enough hands or bodies to get all the things done you need to.

I am pleased to announce that, after many ups and downs, poor decisions, hard decisions and all that, we are currently down to having one debt left to our name!  And I would like to share that our debt load is now under $1000!

Tonight, after church, we were asked if we wanted to go out with a few friends.  I would have loved to!  I love being able to do stuff like that.  I think we all do.  However, we decided that we would be better off going home, putting some bread in the toaster and having something to eat that we had all ready bought.

Small steps... Every step forward gets you closer to your destination.  Don't lose heart thinking you aren't getting there as fast as you should be. Forward is forward! Sometimes we need to re-assess ourselves, our habits, our instinctual responses and we sometimes need to come to a conclusion to revamp who or what we have become.

My husband will be gone with work the entire month of September (not including weekends); that's a lot of days and living for me to be doing on my own.  It takes me back to my single parenthood days.  I had to be very deliberate in all that I did.  I'm getting back to that point right now.

My heart is my family.  My focus has been taken off of where it has been for the past year and put back to where it should be - (first and foremost, God and then...) my family particularily the 4 of us that live in this home.

The winds of change are blowing and I hear them whisper that good things and good times are coming for the four of us!

Friday, August 27, 2010

The onion is peeled & I only cried a little

Ok, you who have been reading here any length of time know that I cried more than a little but I am pleased to announce that this weekend a deep, deep work was done in my life and I feel a peace like I have never felt about Rush leaving.

Thursday night during worship (at WRC's corporate prayer) we sang the words "You are all I want; You are all I need" and I concluded that, up until that point, I was lying as I sang them. At that point, all I needed and all I wanted was not God; it was for Rush to come home. I might be happy if she comes home but without God I will never have true joy and I felt my heart changing at that very instant.

But it did not feel complete...

Saturday night I went up to the altar after service and received prayer.  As I lay there I felt a fear rise up in me that I had never realized I was feeling.  As I began to experience it though, it felt familiar.  I felt a weighty blanket come over me (like when you are a kid & you feel your parents cover you back up in the middle of the night - a comforting weight) and I began to cry. Honestly it felt like that fear of abandonment was pouring out through my tears and as it poured out, it was like God was pouring in love and strength faster than the fear was coming out - like it was forcing the fear out through my tears.

Still it did not feel complete...

On Sunday morning I felt something that I can not explain but it was like I saw a story play out in my head like a day dream and I felt more peace and I stood up feeling like the process was complete. 

The onion has been peeled. Yes, there were lots of tears; yes, my eyes stung and burned but the end justified the means.  I do feel a lot better.  My heart doesn't feel heavy.

I know there have been moments that I have written about where I say this was all ready done and I believe it was all ready done - that layer.  Sometimes wounds go deeper than we think they do. I don't know for 100% that there may not be a day that I need to allow more healing to take place.  But for now this onion is peeled, Baby!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Missing Kansas City

Oh yes! We had a marvelous trip (inspite of the 4 grown people stuffed in a car for a 24 hour drive); we had loads of fun getting to know each other better, getting lost due to construction in the city, learning loads at the Encounter conference we attended, visiting with old friends and new ones.

I came back with lots of knowledge, lots of revelation, lots of things removed from my life, lots of things added to it, a few new items of clothing (I heart Maurices!), and a smidge of a sinus infection brought on by going in and out of air conditioned rooms to the heat.  It was so nice to get to experience some heat (not only the conference but I mean the weather as well) as we have had only a few nice days this summer.

It was (and is) SO good to have our children back in our home, as they stayed at their grandparent's house while we were away.  They came back home looking older and inches taller - yes, even in that short week.  I know they aren't but they look it!

I have so much information to absorb from the conference - all of it fantastic!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

We're back!

Just got home today.  We were sad to leave our son and friends behind for an unknown length of time but it is SO good to be able to hold my kids in my arms and hear all their stories (which I have been doing all afternoon now).

The trip was fantastic! Tell you some of the stories later; right now I am on my way to corporate prayer training.

Good to be back!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Always Worrying

Jellybean heard that a young lady we know stole money from her family and ran away from home. Instead of worrying about the girl, Jellybean focused her energy on how sad it was making Jesus that this girl ran away from home and wasn't safe. She then proceeded to tell me that Jesus is really sad right now. When I asked her why, she told me it was because so many people were dying and it was making Him sad.

Her heart is so big when it comes to matters like this and to see that her focus is on how it makes Jesus feel really touches mine. I am so proud of her and her love for Jesus.
 (originally posted June 22, 2005)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Dual Graduations

Okay, so thanks to the insight of Nat, I have now realized that next year there will be two, count them, two graduations....J's and Jellybean's. Yikes. How will I cope? You know me. What am I going to do? I can't breathe. I think I'm hyperventilating....

However...think of all the wonderful photo opportunities waiting for that moment....

I smile just thinking about it.
(originally posted June 23, 2005)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

When I Grow Up

Wednesday was J's last day of school for the year. She is now in grade 12. Wow...another one almost done high school. Yikes! Really where does the time go? I met J when she was in grade 6 and I have watched her grow from a shy awkward 11 year old to this beautiful, graceful 17 year old who is now in the final year of her life, really, at home. There are so many big steps coming her way and she realized this on Wednesday.

After getting out of her final grade 11 final exam, J went and had herself a good old panic attack. You know what I'm talking about: the hyperventilating, the sweating, the thoughts that ramble out of your mouth without you really focusing on what you are saying:

"I'm in grade 12"

"I don't know what I want to be when I grow up." (reassuring friend says"It's okay you still have a year to decide.")

"Not if I want to go to college. I'll have to apply and what about scholarships and I'll have to apply and what am I gonna do.....?"

At this point we all know that the typical thing to do would be to slide down the wall in the smelly high school hallway and crumple on the floor. (Are you thinking back to that moment?) And that is just what she did. Panic attack over, J is doing fine now; she needed a few minutes and a few deep breathing exercises. The eery feeling of the unknown has subsided...for now.

Now, I, on the other hand, have just realized that Rush has just finished grade 6. If you remember that is when I met J and it sure doesn't seem like that long ago and she is on the verge of getting her wings. Do you know what that means? Are you anticipating what is coming next...?

Me hyperventilating?

Me breaking out in a cold sweat?

"She's gonna be in grade 12 soon?"

"What am I gonna do when she grows up?" (reassurance from child,"I'll visit mom")

I remember when she was 5 and told me she would never, ever leave me and that she would live with me forever with her husband, her kids, her dog, her cat, her horse and her gorilla. Yes, gorilla. And now, she is all ready talking of moving down to Kansas City to go to the same Bible College as LB and has all ready started saving money so she can afford school. (Wow, I wonder where she gets her "lets plan a million years in advance" idosyncrasy from...don't look at me. I'm serious....not me. )

This only means one thing. "What," you may ask. I have to cherish my Rush and every little moment I have with her. We have gone through a lot, Rushh & I. For a while, we were all we had. We have gone through scary times with her biological dad; we have gone through times when we were so poor she was the only one eating most days. We have gone through times when I thought I was going to lose her, like when she had pneumonia really bad and we have gone through times where we would just snuggle on the couch and tell wonderful, beautiful stories of where we would go, what we would do, see and eat as we went off on gorgeous vacations together in our imaginations.

I need to stop being so "busy" and enjoy the time I have with my kids (all 7 of them); it's been a really long time since Rush & I have gone on one of our special vacations. Jellybean & I have never gone on one and I think she is just the right age to start. Pretty soon she will be wanting to save money for going to school and telling me what she will do when she grows up...
(originally posted on June 24, 2005)

Friday, August 20, 2010

5 Years of Bliss

Today is BigDaddy & my 5th anniversary...5 years of bliss, right? Well, we have had our ups and downs and we have both had moments of wondering if we really did the right thing but things have gotten so much better. We have had a couple of terrific years...not saying fight free but we have learned how to fight fair.

I consider myself pretty lucky; BigDaddy is thoughtful most times and he protects me when he thinks someone is trying to hurt me. At times, he gets a little too protective and gets upset by a simple comment that was said off the cuff but it makes me realize that he loves me. He is a good dad to the kids and a good friend to me. He provides for us and I know he wishes he could do more and that makes it all the more special.

I do wish we were able to spend more time together and had more time to do stuff together, with friends and with family but I am sure that day will come.

I hope this doesn't come across hokey or whatever. I just can't seem to express myself accurately on this subject. I am so thankful that I have BigDaddy in my life. We didn't start off this relationship as best friends; I think I can honestly say that but, we are now and it can only get better from here, right?

So happy anniversary, Baby. I guess I get sort of sentimental on June 24 every year. Not only because I married BigDaddy on this day but because my dear, dear grandpa was born on this day in the year 1900. He is no longer with us but I remember him always and especially today. I love you, Grandpa...see you...someday...

(originally posted June 24, 2005)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

365 days ago

I lost you.

I know where you are but I still haven't found you.

I think of you every day.

I miss you - every day.

My heart feels unsettled, missing, partial... it hurts.

I'm sorry I let you down. I thought I was doing what was right.  I was doing the best I could at the time.  I thought I taught you faith - I failed you. I failed you.  I failed you.  I get that. I am sorry.  That is the only thing I can do - apologize.  I pray you forgive me for all the wrong doings you feel were done to you. I don't know what all they were but I am sorry that I have failed you in all the areas you needed me.

I thought I showed you love but I failed you. I am sorry if I ever made you feel you were not good enough. I wouldn't want you to be any other way than you. I am sorry if I ever made you feel you were a disappointment.  I could never be disappointed in you.  You are the beat in my heart and the breath in my lungs.

I will never forget the feeling of my heart crumbling to bits as I realized you were gone, that you resented us so much that you felt your only option was to run.

Beautiful daughter...

I am so, so, so very sorry



I'm sorry you have been robbed of your joy...



Baby Update

I just thought I would give you all an update on our three fish babies...fries as they are called. They are doing so good; they are growing and are they ever cute. We bought some baby fish food called Small Fry and we have to feed them several times a day. Some would call it a pain in the butt and not really worth the time or the effort but I think it is. Jellybean really enjoys helping me take care of "her" babies. She has named them ALL Strawberry Shortcake; I'm not sure if that's because they are all actually named that or if because they are still too small to really tell apart (if you can tell fish apart).
I am thinking there is still a mama fish in there. If she's not pregnant then we need to get some low fat fish food for her and put her on the fish version of the South Beach diet or Atkins or something. Maybe she's just big boned...I dunno. I really don't profess to know a lot about fish. I've had a few but really, I'm learning as I go.

I love watching them; they are very peaceful and relaxing, until you feed them and they go savage. I do, however, find them interesting to watch. BigDaddy laughs at me when I sit at the tank and watch these fish but that's okay....I'm just attempting to relax. Nah, I just really enjoy watching them and their behaviors...they remind me a lot of people in their behavior. I wrote a poem about gold fish when I was in grade 12 about how they swim around sedate watching you watch them, swimming peacefully and then when you feed them they turn savage but once the food is gone they return to their original sedate little fishy selves, watching you watch them...

One guy who read my poem thought I was really writing about politics. I was just a warped teenager writing a poem that honestly just popped in my head...the more I learn about politics, the more I think he may be on to something...

(originally posted June 26, 2005)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

We Have Babies

Okay, now that I have caught all of your attention; no, it is NOT me!!!!! We got a fish for BigDaddy for Father's Day and she was expecting. Yikes! How do you care for a mama fish? Better yet how do you care for the babies once they get here? I have found three so far and put them in this floating fish thingy that we have and so, for now, it shall be the maternity ward or nursery. They are so cute and so little. I almost wanted to wake the kids up so they could see it but then...ah, never mind. I can't wait for them to see their babies in the morning!

I'll keep you posted on if we have more babies or not.

I will place bets on at least one of these babies being called Strawberry Shortcake. I know the mama is as is the male betta we have. Who wants to take this bet? Any takers? Any one?
(originally posted June 23, 2005 on my original blog)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


is my birthday.  I am... I am... How old am I?
(insert elevator music whilst I do some figuring...)

I am 36 years old today.

I have accomplished a lot in my 36 years.  Some I am proud of, some not so much but guess what, it has all made me who I am today and I am so appreciative of it all.  God has brought me through so much and I am so grateful for where He has brought me from and where He has brought me to and I look forward to the places He takes me in the coming year.

This year I will spend my birthday working until 5 and then, I am on my way with BigDaddy and friends to KC, MO to attend a conference at World Revival Church!  It seems strange to not be with my kids. They stayed back with Grandma and Grandpa watching them (and the lizard).  It seems strange to be so close to it being a year since Rush ran away from home. It doesn't seem like that long ago yet it also seems like forever.

I would like for you to pray for me.  I don't know how I will be doing in two days (which marks the anniversary of her leaving). I pray that God will strengthen me. I am not wanting anything to take away from what I can learn from this conference.  I expect to leave Kansas City a lot different than I entered!

I am not sure what I will have for internet access so it may or may not be quiet around here.  If it is quiet, it will be quiet for a week and then I will have loads to say and lots to share. I do have some old posts from my original blog scheduled in an attempt to move them over and leave you with something to read if you happen to pop on by.  I will be updating on Twitter via text if I don't have access to internet or even a computer so please feel free to keep up with me there!  (MyHrt03 is my twitter name)

Monday, August 16, 2010


Finally, I got my hair cut!!! Yes!!! Two wonderful young ladies I know came over on Sunday night and cut my hair for me. (I love you guys!) It feels so good to have my hair cut. No more dead ends and it is so much lighter. I have tonnes of thick, thick hair and it is SO hot in the summer time. BigDaddy & I will be going down to the States for the 4th of July and so I am really going to enjoy not having quite so much hair. Now, I just have to pick a new color and maybe some highlights...hmmmmm...

We tried to get a couple of extra days off, when going to the States, as we found out (not that long ago) that my step-sister is getting married a day or so ahead but our getting to her wedding is just not feesible. We will, however, be able to enjoy the fireworks, not once but twice. The church we attend when down there is having their own firework celebration on the 3rd with a carnival type deal and then there is July 4th itself. It will be a lot of fun; I can't wait! The church down there has an apartment we were able to book so we don't have to deal with a hotel or feel like we are imposing on someone by being billeted out to a house. We'll be taking all the kids with us in August but this is our anniversary present to each other...

Hmmm, our anniversary present is fireworks? Interesting. I think I'll stop blogging there for now...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Childlike Faith

Jellybean has to be the one to pray lately. She loves it. We love that she does.

At meal time we get this

"Dear Jesus, thanks for the eatin' and the drinkin'. Amen."

At Bug's nap, he gets something along the lines of this

"Dear Jesus, help Bug to have a good sleep and no bad dreams and no peein' the bed. Amen"

The other day I hit my funny bone on something and she raced to my side to pray for me.

"Dear Jesus, you fix things so make mommy better with no more hurting."

Honestly, it makes me want to cry, for two reasons. One, it is so precious and fills me with such a sense of pride and two, I wish I relied that much on prayer instead of trying to fix everything myself first and giving God a much bigger problem than He would have had in the first place.
(originally posted May 5, 2005 on my original blog)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Sometimes I can't believe the things that come out of kids' mouths and other times it so incredibly hilarious and literal.

I was talking to my mom on the phone a while back and she told me a story about Jellybean that brought tears to my eyes, from laughing so hard. Jellybean followed my mom into the bathroom and noticed that my mom and I had the same underwear (note to self: go shopping).

She felt obligated to tell grandma this and my mom's response was that she & I have great taste.

To this Jellybean responded with utter disgust and said, "Grandma, my mom doesn't eat HER underwear."

If only we could strap videocameras to our children, at least for their waking hours. I know that there would be a few movies worth of hilarity we could watch over and over again.
(originally posted May 6, 2005 on my original blog)

Friday, August 13, 2010

For the Love of a Brother

The other day as we drove past Dairy Queen, a place LB took Jellybean once (one time that's it), she began to sniffle and whimper. I turned to ask her what was wrong and saw big, juicy tears streaming down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"I goed there once wif mine *LB*). He is gone to Kansas now living wif other humans. I miss him lots. I is alone so very alone."

Talk about a heartbreaker and what's LB going to do when he reads this? Nat, maybe you should set aside some tissues before he reads this.
(*originally written May 10, 2005 from my original blog)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Missing Grandma

The pussy willows have come and gone; the tulips are blooming; the leaves are budding on the trees and I, I am missing my grandma.

Grandma would mark on her calendar when the first hummingbird arrived to her feeders; she waited for that day, I am sure, all winter long. Each spring I want to buy a humming bird feeder but not knowing where to put it and not having a ladder to put it in my big front window, I have passed each time. Call it nostalgia; call it whimsy. Call it whatever you want; it’s a piece of my grandma that I can pass on to my children and one day, I will have one in my living room or kitchen window.
Her flower gardens were massive and impressive each and every year. She had flowers every where and knew exactly what each was called. There were Pansies, Sweet Williams, Daisies, Poppies, Petunias, Violets, Lilacs…the list goes on and on and to tell you the truth, I have no idea what half the flowers were.

She was up with the sun tending to her gardens, a hard working woman for as long as she could be. She took joy in caring for her yard and flowers, inside and outside. She also took joy in watching me “sneak” into her garden to get fresh carrots or cucumbers before school. I saw her smile as she watched out her window from the chair she sat in enjoying her morning coffee. I even miss the color of her coffee, the interesting color it turned from all the milk she added. I am sure that sounds bizarre and I am sure other people’s coffee turns that particular color but it just seemed different. Perhaps what I miss is seeing that same clear coffee mug full of coffee or perhaps I miss seeing that same mug in my dear granny’s hands.
Those hands, the ones that wiped my tears so gingerly away were the same that tenderly picked ripe, juicy berries from the Saskatoon trees in her yard, raspberry bushes in the woods and strawberries, the tiny wild ones, that crept across her yard and the same hands that tipped and tailed beans and shelled peas on her back step.

It is raining and I picture the rain running into the rain barrels she used to catch water for her flowers. I remember dunking my head in that water on hot summer days (after scooping all the bugs out) and I remember sitting in the shade, feeling safe and secure near my grandma.

Of all the things I miss about my grandma, her smile, her twinkling eyes, her gentle voice, her knowledge of nursery rhymes and little poems, the way she remembered every birthday from her children to her great grandchildren, one of the things I miss most about her is the way her house smelled when she made fried potatoes from leftover boiled potatoes. I don’t know why but there is just something so comforting and soothing in that memory. No one else can make them smell that way. That and the color of her coffee…
(*post originally written on May 23, 2005...brought over here from my original blog)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dear God

This is highly unfair...

Just sayin'

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Logic of a 7 year old boy

Bug: Ah man, this piece tastes like poop!

Jellybean: How do you know what poop tastes like?

Bug: Jellybean, I know poop!  I have seen poop. I have smelled poop.  I have stepped in poop and this, just tastes like poop!

All righty then!  Not entirely sure I want to know any more.  Boys will be boys.

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Yes, I am singing and no, it is not because Christmas is coming and I am singing the carol.  It is because today I started buying school supplies!  Yay!  I love school supplies!  Now I am not even happy to be buying school supplies simply because it means school will be starting for my kiddos; I loved getting brand new school supplies, starting a new school year and thinking "this year will be different; my books will be so neat this year."

Anywho, I decided that this year it would be nice to kind of "spoil" my kids with their supplies - make them as fun as possible.  After all the kids will be spending most of their week in school at their "office" (aka desk but in the ACE program they are referred to as offices), so why not make it as homey and fun and inviting as possible?

I didn't end up spending too terribly much more on their school supplies but we decided to go with color themes this year.  Jellybean picked lime green as it is her favorite, favorite color.  That's right.  Double favorite!  Bug picked orange because, as we have come to learn on this blog, orange is his favorite color.

The kids do still need a couple of things picked up: erasers, backpacks, gym clothes, runners and indoor dress shoes.  And I am still looking for an orange binder, pencil case/box and lunchkit for Bug.

Let me show you the goods.  My kids are going to be two very bright students this year... and I am not being biased.  The proof's in the pics...

I couldn't find Bug an orange water bottle but if I do find one between now and the end of the month, I will just keep this one at home for him and send the other to keep at his office.

I'd like to take a moment

to welcome all the new "followers" and readers to my humble little blog.

Thank you for popping by, put your feet up, grab a refreshment and stay awhile.  I look forward to getting to know you and to interacting with you.

I have to tell you, I have met some pretty great ladies through this little blog of mine, ladies who have left timely words of encouragement for me, shared stories that have made me laugh (and cry) and who have, with words of wisdom, taught me.  And that is why I love this corner of the "interweb" I have cleared away for myself.  I love, love, love being able to respond to your comments (usually via email) and forming internet friendships.

Welcome, it's so nice to have you here.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Changes here and there

I've made a slight change to my blog.  Other than finally getting around to updating two of my children's ages to corrolate with their birthdays, I have also added the Twitter feature on the left hand side of my blog.  My intent for this is as such, I will be leaving for Kansas City, Mo in a few days and I don't know what access I will have to the internet but, I can always text an update to Twitter.  I have old blog posts from an old blog I have scheduled to post here while I am gone (I may also be posting current things depending on my computer situation).  Some of you follow me on Twitter, some don't.  If you want to keep up with our travels, etc, you will be able to take a peak to your right.  If you don't, carry on. {grin}

Can't wait to go to this conference!

The Privilege is Ours

Well, ours really.  BigDaddy and I have been blessed ond overjoyed by the opportunity to chaprone two very dear people to us. He has been a part of our lives since he was 15 years old and is a very close friend of LB's.  She has been a part of our lives for the last 4 years.  She calls us her "cowboy family"; she was, up until Rush left, Rush's best friend.  Over the years, these two have become like a son and a daughter to us and like brother and sister to our children.

To be allowed into their relationship, to watch them slowly fall in love has been magical to say the least.  Catching the soft looks into each others eyes and the holding of hands and all those little things that comes with blossoming love is so precious, so beautiful and we are so honored to be able to bear witness to it.

(neither of the above photos were taken by myself)

"Getting to Know You" Sunday

Popped ovder to MannLand5's blog this morning and saw this; I thought, since it has been so long since I have been able to participate in Getting to Know You that I would give it a go!
1. Do you think mustaches are sexy?

In a word, yes!  But allow me to elaborate. Not ALL mustaches are sexy and not on all men.  I am more of the goatee kinda gal. Which is why I have always been drawn to the bikers, cowboys, tough guys... {sigh} It's a curse really.

2. What's the last concert you've been to?

Um, wow. It was a million years ago.  Not even kidding!  The last concert I went to was Skid Row/Areosmith.  Seriously!  I was in Gr. 10.

3 What was your favorite 80's sitcom?

I had several that I liked but if I were to pick a favorite, I would say "The Cosby Show". Cliff Huxstable reminded me of my grandpa.  Yes, he was that fun!  I was a lucky gal!

4. Were you named after anyone?

No.  If I would have been born a boy I woud have been though.

5. When you buy new clothes, do you wash before wearing?


6. If you didn't blog, what would you do with your spare time?

I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it may incriminate me in a court of law.

7. What is your favorite department store?

Don't really have one.

8. If you were to get Laser Hair Removal..where would you get it?

At this point in my life, I don't feel it is needed {sigh}.  However, I may need to re-visit this question in say, 30 years... Let's leave this one open. Mkay?

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The cat came back the very next day but not this time

If you remember, we had to get rid of our dear cat, Jewel.  BigDaddy's brother took her to his house.
She hid in their house for two days.  She sulked but eventually came out from hiding and seemed like she was adjusting. Two days later, she ran away from home.

Trev felt so badly that each time the kids asked him how she was, he told them she was fine.  He felt so much guilt because he had told them he would take good care of her {which I know he did} and he knew how much it meant to them and didn't want to break their hearts.

We have no hard feelings towards him; this wasn't his fault in the least. The kids had their cries.  We found out on Rush's birthday so my attention was elsewhere.  But we are sad that she has probably met her death as she had been declawed and had never been outside since we got her as a kitten.

So, in honor of our beloved Jewel here are a couple shots of her with the kids.

We love you, JEWEL.

Friday, August 6, 2010

5 Qustion Friday

1. Are you a neat sleeper or a messy sleeper?

It really depends on the night.  Some nights once my head hits the pillow I. don't. move. at. all!

But, that being said, I don't have to have my blankets neat and organized.  In fact, they can be balled up and all over the place as long as I have a corner to cover partially up (and NOT have my feet covered!!!  I can't stand that!!!!)

2. Fill in the blank. I wish I was more _______________. disciplined

I would be able to stay organized, keep up with meal plans, keep track of finances, stay on budget {gasp}, and that's just the household part of my life!

Just think of what I could be!  Like skinny!  Rich! Closer to God!!!!

3. What is something that you wish you had been warned about?

I wish I had been taught how to be a lot better with finances, that my dad had had the ability to teach me how to be financially sound.  He just didn't have the time, what with working two jobs to support my brother and sister.

4. What was the best thing you ever found at a garage sale/flea market?

I don't really shop at garage sales a lot. I have gotten a few good deals but nothing that maked me jump up and down or actually remember the purchase. 

5. If you could have any meal brought to you right now, what would it be?

Mmmmm, the meal that my dad makes me every year for my birthday! Bacon, swiss chard and potatoes followed by rhubarb pie for dessert.  It may not sound like much but it's more the company that makes it my favorite in the whole world!

Now, I've told you my answers; you tell me yours! And...hope on over to Mama M's to see more 5 question friday answers!

Fear Inducing Child

Yes, I warn you right now, when you see the following two photos you will, most likely, find yourself plunged deep into the realm of a fear like you've never known. {grin}

Carry on at your own risk 'cuz Jellybean is incredibly frightening...

Don't say I didn't warn you! 

I tried telling you... really I did. Now just take a few slow, deep breaths; look again at the picture and accept your fate at the hands of this adorable tough cookie.

I adore this shirt!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

17 years ago today...

I met a girl. Yes, a girl. No, it was not Rush - although she was so brand new she was still on warranty {wink}. Rush was 2 days old and I was in my hospital bed recovering from the birth of my first child and the first c-section I would ever experience. I was 18 years old.

Through the door of my room, came a boy a couple years older than me, sitting in a wheel chair, scooting himself around.  Following him was an entourage of people, led by a tall, skinny girl with long blond hair pushing a baby in a hospital bassinet.  My first thought about this young gal, who was walking while I was still bed ridden, not allowed to move (they didn't want you moving for a day after a c-section back then - or at least not with me), was to call her a bad name under my breath because she was walking and I wasn't.

Funny thing was, I was not serious about it just being a catty young girl.  We shared a room, found out we had much in common and formed a maternity room bond that we pledged would never end.  I thought, at first, that the reality of the relationship would be that we would be all talk about it.  You know, call a couple of times, maybe have coffee once or twice and our lives would slowly drift apart as we lead our separate lives.

Little did I know that Aug 5, 1993 marked the beginning of a sisterhood and a bond that would be unbreakable over the years, the miles, the hurts, the struggles and the hardships of each of our lives.  We have seen each other through (and experienced each other's pain/joy with) divorce, death, abuse, heartbreaks, extreme poverty, single parenthood, first steps, first words, first days of school, first Christmas concerts, first teeth, weddings, miscarriages, births...

If I had a scanner I would totally dig up pictures of us with 90's hair and babies, walking all over town together, hanging out at the mall, being asked if our kids were "twins, brother/sister, cousins".

We have spent so much of our lives together it seems strange living our lives so far apart{two different provinces now}.  Her family became my family; I became their family.  She is my sister by choice.

So... happy 17th friendiversary. Love you, babe!

Not as Cool as I Used to be

A few weeks ago I took the kids to a mini carnival that was held in one of the mall parking lots.

They thought that was wonderful news!

They went on some rides...

We went on some rides...

They had a blast...

 I felt like puking and when we were finished came home, laid down and waited for the world to stop spinning...

Like I said, I am not as cool as I used to be.  However, I am still cool enough to suck it up, step up to the plate and take one for the team...

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sometimes it isn't easy

to be joyful, to find the positive in things... Yesterday was most definitely "one of those days".  Yesterday was Rush's 17 birthday.  It was the first time I have ever  not been with my daughter on her birthday, not celebrated the day she was brought into my life, not been able to hold her in my arms, kiss her softly on the head and whisper in her ear just how very much I love her.

I can tell you that it threw my entire day off kilter.  I was not myself.  I had a bad attitude about everything - me and Eyore, like attitudes yesterday.  To elaborate, I wasn't willfully speaking "depressed donkey" but it seemed like everything I set my hands to do lacked gumption, get-up-and-go, umph.

I even believed that my car had just completely died because I was trying to speed up just a smidge and the car kept slowing down more and more. Immediately I thought, "That's it; this stupid car has finally bit it." You know, until I realized my foot was on the brake. {yes, I just admitted this publicly and yes, it will be added to the book of dumb moments in my life}

I am letting every little thing get to me.  Let me re-phrase that.  Up until this very instant, I have been letting every little thing get to me.  I am rising above that and refuse to allow anything to come and rob me of my joy!

In 13 days I am going to be driving with my husband and another couple to Kansas City, Mo to attend a conference {AND to see our oldest SON - WOOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!}.  I refuse to allow circumstances to rob me of what God has done in my life so I can experience even more.  I refuse to allow circumstances to rob my children of a mom who is joyful and happy and healthy.   I refuse to allow these circumstances to dictate my life.

I intend to change exponentially in the 13 days leading up to this conference, that I may be unrecognizable when I return home - even to myself.

It's just, sometimes it isn't easy.

But, I've never been one to back away from a fight...