Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Today's fond memory

brought to you in part by Scrabble and Pictionary...

My husband despises board games...loathes them even and so, it is a rare event that we happen to play one as a family - very rare indeed.

As a child, I played Scrabble with my granny as often as I could. She would pull out her worn and well utilized Scrabble board, a worn down pencil (usually sharpened with a paring knife), a piece of looseleaf, neatly folded and a dictionary for challenges and we would play and laugh and snack. We both won. Granny with points and me, well, I won because I loved the time I was able to have spent with her, looking into her sparkling blue eyes full of love and mercy.

Fast forward several years to a life of children of my own and I think to some of the rare moments P.B., Jay I convinced BigDaddy to play a rousing game of Pictionary with us.  The giggles, the tears from laughing so incredibly hard at our drawng or lack thereof and our guessing and lack thereof...

Simple acts. Great memories...

(This post is not endorsed by Scrabble nor Pictionary as they don't know me from Adam; these are simply the games my memories are associated with. That is all. GRIN)

Monday, April 9, 2012


Thursday evening I read about the school Rush attends being locked down on an on-line paper for our area. Some of you, unfortunately, know the meriad of thoughts that bombard your thought process and your rational thinking at that moment.

Why hadn't I heard from her yet? Were they still in lockdown? Had something gone disasterous? I had to "talk myself down" into a place of knowing, of rational thinking and take hold of those terrible thoughts penetrating my mind before they ran away with my logic. Someone would have contacted us somehow...

6 boys, not from her school, went there, brandishing items in threatening ways to induce fear...upon detaining them it was discovered most of these items were harmless. One boy, however, had a machete hidden on his person...a machete? Like for real? Rush has also heard that there was a gun, or guns, involved.

Our encounter of it is all hearsay or what the media shares, as, unbeknownst to us, Rush was not at the school that afternoon; she was, in fact, safely at her job, completely unaware herself of what was happening at her own school.

{Cue big sigh of relief}

For those new to reading or if you may have forgotten, Rush is our daughter who our relationship with was severed for a bit and who had left home.

She did not feel nor witness the fear, the chaos, the confusion...she was wrapped in the prayers of her parents, her pastor and many that love her who go to battle for her and her protection every day of their lives.

So thankful for God's protection...

Saturday, April 7, 2012

I'd like to kiss

Yeppers, you heard me. I'd like to k.i..s.s... keep it simple silly...

I've thought a lot about simple living...

not in the trendy sort of way...just simple.

Typing this, I am looking at my bedroom and I see clutter on my dresser, on my night stand, on BigDaddy's dresser and nightstand and a whole heap of clothes on my side of the floor that are screaming to be folded and put away. I have not had time... I am certain there are clothes in that heap that I would probably never remember I had should they disappear. I am also certain that in the midst of the dresser clutter are items I have forgotten we have.

What does this mean? Well, a few things. It means
1. I have too many clothes.
2. If I don't know I have it and I need it I will probably go buy another and waste money purchasing something I all ready own.
3. I have not made it an importance to care for these items
4. My children have too many clothes (thankful for hand-me-downs but I could always donate the excess)
5. I am wasting time doing laundry on clothes that may or may not have been worn or simply because of the volume of clothing period.

What does this mean?
1. I need to sort through our belongs, organizing as I go.
2. I need to have an idea of what my children, myself, my husband need to keep for clothes (let's say a list as to what our ideal wardrobes would be) to know what needs to be donated, tossed, folded/hung up or purchased.

What would it feel/look like when this happens?
Nirvana? Euphoric? Perhaps.

Aside from school, working on achieving what I stated in my last post about legacies and all the other things I do need to do in life...this is one of the things I will be whittling away at...bit by bit...it will be a process but, every step forward is a step forward, right?

I think I shall begin with the clothes situation...and then, perhaps, toys...I wish for our home to be a place of serenity and peace for us and those that happen to cross the threshold into our lives. I see the chaotic state of our lives in just about every area of our home (closets, cupboards, pantries, even our fridge). It is time to K.I.S.S it goodbye!

Friday, April 6, 2012

I'll leave a legacy

I have been thinking a lot about legacies lately, since Wednesday to be exact, and about how we will all leave one when we die. (Why the heavy thought process? My dear uncle, who has been battling with cancer, passed away at 5:20 pm on Wed April 4 and the legacy he left...well, I will get into that later.)

It doesn't matter what we do, good or bad, we will leave a legacy behind. Dictionary.com defines legacy, in part, as "anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor".

What will my legacy be? How will I live my life that my character, actions, courage, heart, or lack there of will be the memory, the character that my children, grandchildren know me as?

My grandfather has a legacy, as does my grandmother, of nobel character, strong work ethic and immense love...a legacy my children, who have never met them, have heard and learned through stories and memories from numerous family members.  My uncle, who just passed away, has left a legacy, to me, and I am certain others, of a man who, inspite of terrible odds, inspite of a death sentence being placed on his shoulders, never stopped fighting, never gave up his will to live and, while he still had the strength to do so, never quit working. He did not outwardly mope about his fate but grabbed hold of moments. He didn't say "I only have so long to live"; he simply grabbed hold of his family and lived - fishing, golfing, laughing, hugging, enjoying...

We live in a day and age where technology and self-importance takes precident over quality time, over relationships. We feel wo important hearing a notification come in that someone has responded to our senseless or silly facebook status, or alarming us to an email or text to the point where I see fathers and mothers interupt hugs or family dinners to check, with baited breath, that they are needed, important or noticed - all while dismissing the one on their lap, at their side, or their dinner table who thinks they are all those things and more.

Will my children remember me as someone who made them feel important or as someone who got a lot of texts or spent a lot of time on my computer? Will they remember me as I do my grandparents, as I think of my father or other key people in my life (especially my childhood)? (Ironic that I empty my thought process about this on my laptop. don't you think?)

Technology, while great in aspects, is robbing us of relationship, of ability to communicate with those that are closest to us. Yes, it has given us the ability to correspond so much easier with people we love who aren't so near (in my case, to keep in touch with my dear cousins in Norway or Italy and to keep up with the incredible tales my cousin writes here or. personally, here. It also helps me to keep in touch with you all and make new and dear friends but, should it take priority over snuggling with a child wrapped in a fuzzy blanket learning all about giant squids or sharing a playground story or classroom antics or even something as simple as a walk along the river, watching the ice break up and sharing a peanut butter sandwich - uniterrupted by the buzzes, dings, song alerts and chirps our phones, bluetooths (teeth ? grin) make - reminding us of our importance to the world.

Odd that my ramblings would sway this way when I began on the thoughts of legacy but, perhaps, it is because I long for my children to remember me (moments, laughter, connections) and not a mom whose connections where wireless or wired-in and I certainly don't wish for them to remember me with fondness of words like, "Ah, Mom, yeah, remember how she was always on her phone or computer? Remember how quick she was to respond to texts or to stop doing what she was to run and check her email? Yeah, those were the days.". 

 Instead, I want to be remembered in ways I remember those people special to me: sitting in the warmth of the sun beside my granny, tipping and tailing beans talking about everything and nothing but just being, uninterrupted, beside her; going for walks with my grandpa and being so tired he had to carry me home; sitting as a pre-teen in the same chair as my dad and having it tip over, us stranded, legs swinging in the air attempting to resuce ourselves while laughing too hard to succeed...lazy days in the summer heat, laying on a blanket, a border collie cross laying across my back watching lady bugs scurry and birds fly listening to the sounds of my hard-working father and grandfather in the field, checking the time every so often so I knew when the moment was right to get my horse to take lunch and drinks out to them and sit between them basking in the love I have for them and they for me as they smelled like sweat, dust, gas, wheat and tractor...

My cell phone and my computers (yes, computers) all have power buttons, silence options and I have the ability to ignore. I know I do, I opted to use that option far too often with my dad when I was a teenager. I opt to use those options again. Yes, the world has changed since my childhood and some of those memories are not probable for my children to have of  theirs but they can be similar inspite of their differences...the feelings, the security, the warmth, the love...

My legacy will not be of one tied to an outside world as though it were my lifeline. My legacy will be one of family and love and God and mercy and relationships as though they were my lifelines because they truly are...I will use technology as my tool not as though I am ruled by it. Exercise is good for you and so, I encourage you to exercise your right to power off your technology or to excerise your ignore option in order to create unwavering bonds with the ones who are right in front of you...technology has its place, let's remember to keep it there as a tool for us to use as we need it...