Monday, July 9, 2012

Two can be as bad as one

Remember that song? Or at least remember hearing that song? I think the memory I have of it is the Fresh Prince of BelAir where Will and Carelton find themselves in trouble and in a county jail cell and the "biker" guy is singing it.

Inspiration for this post: a conversation I had a couple years ago with a single mom I knew:

She thought I was so fortunate to have a husband and not doing it all by myself like she has been. I told her that sometimes what you see isn't what is and that you just need to make the best of life you are currently living instead of wishing for what other people have because you never truly know what they have behnd closed doors.

I have been married once before this marriage to a man not engaged in our marriage or our family for that matter...and I have been a single mom. I know both sides of this equation.

I can tell you there is nothing lonlier than feeling lonely when you are in a relationship which should create a partnership.  It was much easier, in my experience, to be lonely when I was supposed to be than to be lonely as a a relationship that totally disengaged itself from me. One that didn't communicate, that couldn't engage in time we had together (something was always a distraction, more important, more pressing, turning in the wheels of his thought processes waiting for a phone call, to be needed by someone), one that could walk beside but not hold my hand or other signs of that paraded me as a trophy wife publicly but ignored privately and left me excluded from his thoughts, goals and day-to-day life.

Having things you say forgotten and seemingly unimportant is not as easy to swallow as not having someone to tell them to. Eating dinner alone is easier than eating dinner alone with someone seated across the table from you. Sleeping alone is also easier than sleeping with what seems like the Pacific ocean between you and the one who "loves" you.

Why rehash an old conversation? Well,. I was talking with people today about the perception of the grass being greener on the other side and was reminded of this conversation.  I think we should not judge anything based on appearances: not people, tasks, relationships, scenarios... We need to keep in mind that although an illusion of a magician may appear real, it is, after all, simply an illusion.

One is a lonely number and two can be as bad as one and the moral of the story is make the best of what you have and if you aren't satisfied, figure out why...

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