Thursday, July 28, 2011

Never Satisfied

Why is it that we as women (primarily women, some men too) are rarely satisfied with our looks? Why is it that after 3 children, 3 c-sections & 4 pregnancies I am just as unsatisfied with my body as I was when I was a 20-something year old with a 5 foot 6 inch frame carrying a mere 100 lbs?

Why is it that, as a mother of 7 and grandma to 1, I can't look at my rolls, lumps and jiggles with a sense of pride and accomplishment? Have I not, in a sense, earned each and every one of these stretch marks and these hips that don't fit well into the latest trends? Why must we constantly run the race to beauty with the proverbial carrot dangling in front of our noses that we will never quite reach?

With maturity does one not gain insight into what is truly important, what is truly worth being sought after? Evidently not.  Perhaps I just have not reached maturation {grin} but I thought that at my, nearing, 37 years, that I was at least a bit closer than I was at 16.  It seems, however, that I have some sort of a glitch - instead of maturing, the self-image part of me has been retarded, stunted.

Let the record show, we are moms. We are real life people. We don't have personal trainers, personal chefs, personal stylists, personal nannies to care for our children so we can dedicate countless hours to our waist-lines, botox, yoga, nail appointments and what-not.  I can not allow myself to think that is an image I want for myself - it is unattainable {maybe that is why so many celebrities, um, losing their focus on reality.} For the record, I do not have skilled airbrushing personnel to ensure that my every appearance is flawless.

I am flawed. You are flawed. I will never be model thin, at least not again. I wasn't even happy with myself when I was. And I shall never strive for my happiness to be wrapped up in appearances. Appearances are as fleeting as the next gray hair.  I do know that I am needing to shed a few pounds. Not a lot. But in order to be at a nice "healthy" weight, I would like to see approximately 35 pounds gone. 

I'll let you in on a little secret though...

...I certainly am not going to let my joy or my happiness ride on 35 pounds...not anymore

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