I was planning a HUGE Sweet 16 bash for Rush. We were going to go to the spa and eat lindor chocolates and grapes and cheese and crackers and have massages.
And we did...
We bought her a beautiful daughter pride ring - because we are proud of her. We invited family over for pizza.
I wanted her to have the best Sweet 16 party she could ever imagine. I had been planning what I would do for my girl's special birthday since she was, well, about 6 months old.
16 days later she ran away from home and we have seen her about 5 times since.
It still hurts. Usually just somewhere deep down in some managable area of my feelings, it is slightly there just sort of "reminding" me. Sometimes it is a nagging feeling that will throw thoughts at me or memories or something like that. Today, I am being bombarded by thoughts, memories, feelings, fears. Like, take this one for example, I was watching Bride Wars with my kids' babysitter and my mind went to thinking "Will I ever be a part of my daughter's wedding? Do I get to help her plan stuff ? Be involved? Or am I just some side line person as she builds the relationship we should be having with my mother?"
Trying to hold these thoughts captive and not dwell on them. It is difficult at times, like today, but I know that I have the strength. No matter the circumstances, no matter the cost, I focus on God first and foremost but I do miss my girl. I miss walking in the rain storms with her, laughing 'til we almost pee our pants, having someone to watch "chick flicks" with, having someone to go shopping with and eating chocolate explosion cake...
Rush, I miss you. I want you to come home. I love you! You are my pride and joy and, whether you realize it or not, you took more of me with you than you wanted to (when you left). You took my heart.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
A prize
to whomever can tell me what this conversation was about...
"Heh! Look over there! Sponge Buddy Safety!"
"No! I saw it first!"
"Well, I said 'safety' first."
"Yeah, well there is no such thing as a 'sponge buddy'; it's a ..."
You fill in the blank. And...as for your prize. Well, to be honest, I don't have anything worth while to post as a prize so...I will sing your praises because this is NOT an easy answer - unless your kids are anything like mine. Then you should win hands down.
Game on!!!
"Heh! Look over there! Sponge Buddy Safety!"
"No! I saw it first!"
"Well, I said 'safety' first."
"Yeah, well there is no such thing as a 'sponge buddy'; it's a ..."
You fill in the blank. And...as for your prize. Well, to be honest, I don't have anything worth while to post as a prize so...I will sing your praises because this is NOT an easy answer - unless your kids are anything like mine. Then you should win hands down.
Game on!!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Baby needs a new pair a' shoes
So it's probably a good thing I got him some heh? Believe it or not, these shoes were only 2 months old when I took this picture a couple weeks ago.
You see, my Bug started riding his bike an awful lot and, having not quite figured out how to use brakes on the pedal, he used his feet to top himself.
Maybe I could market these and promote built-in air conditioning and air-freshener. Hmmm? Maybe not. The give off more of a sense of no style or something. {Grin}
(No people were harmed in the process of getting this photo. We all wore protective gear and, bug got himself a nice new pair of sneakers that were *gasp* orange - his favorite color!)
Maybe I could market these and promote built-in air conditioning and air-freshener. Hmmm? Maybe not. The give off more of a sense of no style or something. {Grin}
(No people were harmed in the process of getting this photo. We all wore protective gear and, bug got himself a nice new pair of sneakers that were *gasp* orange - his favorite color!)
Friday, July 9, 2010
Today I became "a old woman"
Or, how my children guage they are getting older.
Bug was walking in the parking lot of StuffMart (aka well, you all know where) when a truck drove towards him. As we were walking in the door Bug says to me, "Mama, that black truck saw me and slowed down. I AM getting older!"
***This next part could possibly contain a bit of TMI if you are of the male persuasion as it pertains to girls growing up just so you are fair warned.***
And the really big reason I am "a old woman"... Today I bought Jellybean her very first bra! {Gasp and TEAR!} Seriously, when did this happen? Yes, I know I said I was a grandma-to-be but that doesn't make me old! I did not birth the mama-to-be; that makes my husband old. Wait. He didn't birth the mama-to-be either but you all know what I mean! {grin}
My baby girl is currently - that is to say RIGHT NOW - wearing a bra! For the first time ever! Someone hand my my cane and schedule my first hip replacement surgery or something like that.
Oh and her reaction to wearing it?
"Mom, it's tight. It feels too tight." (I adjust the shoulder straps and check it out to see).
"No, honey it fits just right."
"Then why is it so tight!?"
"It's not tight, honey. Your just not used to wearing something there and you will get used to it. I promise."
(I just hope she is not like Rush when she was developing. It seemed like we were having to buy a new cup size every week but that just may be a slight exaggeration - maybe.)
Bug was walking in the parking lot of StuffMart (aka well, you all know where) when a truck drove towards him. As we were walking in the door Bug says to me, "Mama, that black truck saw me and slowed down. I AM getting older!"
***This next part could possibly contain a bit of TMI if you are of the male persuasion as it pertains to girls growing up just so you are fair warned.***
And the really big reason I am "a old woman"... Today I bought Jellybean her very first bra! {Gasp and TEAR!} Seriously, when did this happen? Yes, I know I said I was a grandma-to-be but that doesn't make me old! I did not birth the mama-to-be; that makes my husband old. Wait. He didn't birth the mama-to-be either but you all know what I mean! {grin}
My baby girl is currently - that is to say RIGHT NOW - wearing a bra! For the first time ever! Someone hand my my cane and schedule my first hip replacement surgery or something like that.
Oh and her reaction to wearing it?
"Mom, it's tight. It feels too tight." (I adjust the shoulder straps and check it out to see).
"No, honey it fits just right."
"Then why is it so tight!?"
"It's not tight, honey. Your just not used to wearing something there and you will get used to it. I promise."
(I just hope she is not like Rush when she was developing. It seemed like we were having to buy a new cup size every week but that just may be a slight exaggeration - maybe.)
SURPRISE!!!!! and other tidbits
It has been a great week! We have been busy.
Tuesday morning Jellybean's bike was stolen. Surprise! Not a good surprise but a surprise all the same. Her uncle took her and a couple other of the children here to look for it but no dice. However she was certain that she saw it Wednesday at a house just down the street from us. Yesterday B.D. and a couple other guys went to get a closer look.
Why so many guys to go get a bike? In this neighborhood, you never know what kind of person is living in any given house. We range from little grannies/grandpas to hard-working class family folk to drug dealers and gang members or gang member wanna-bes. I am most scared of the wanna-bes; they don't even follow the "laws" of the street in order to get noticed by gangs.
Anywho, they were able to get Jellybean's bike back. Yes it was hers. How do I know for sure. I took a picture of the back of her bike and have a picture of the serial number on my laptop and that was exactly what my husband told the City Police when they asked him what proof he had that this was Jellybean's bike. His response? "Well, ok then. You take your daughter's bike back {big grin}."
Tuesday morning Jellybean's bike was stolen. Surprise! Not a good surprise but a surprise all the same. Her uncle took her and a couple other of the children here to look for it but no dice. However she was certain that she saw it Wednesday at a house just down the street from us. Yesterday B.D. and a couple other guys went to get a closer look.
Why so many guys to go get a bike? In this neighborhood, you never know what kind of person is living in any given house. We range from little grannies/grandpas to hard-working class family folk to drug dealers and gang members or gang member wanna-bes. I am most scared of the wanna-bes; they don't even follow the "laws" of the street in order to get noticed by gangs.
Anywho, they were able to get Jellybean's bike back. Yes it was hers. How do I know for sure. I took a picture of the back of her bike and have a picture of the serial number on my laptop and that was exactly what my husband told the City Police when they asked him what proof he had that this was Jellybean's bike. His response? "Well, ok then. You take your daughter's bike back {big grin}."
--------------
Tuesday we went to The City to get our passport forms in and were able to see Rush for a bit. It was nice to see her. It certainly did this mama a world of good.
---------------
I decided a few days ago that I was tired of my family just making enough. That is what we have been doing this last two years "just getting by" with enough money to pay our bills, our rent, the kids' school fees and have food on the table.
So, today I have an interview for a part time job with a doctor's office where I will (potentially) be making more than minimum wage and will be able to have "extra" money each month. This means we will not be having to save up knowing we need to repair a vehicle or when we notice that the kids have outgrown their clothes or if a birthday party is coming up.
--------------
Two very dear young men have moved back to our city. Two boys who are like family to this one and they both came home yesterday. It was a happy day.
-------------
Now, to start preparing for this interview...
Friday, July 2, 2010
wowzers
We just got over a storm here that we have not seen the likes of in quite a while. Roofs were blown off buildings, huge maple trees have been pulled up by their roots, graineries blown from nearby fields onto our streets, boats have been overturned in lots, cars were stalled in lakes of water, streets were flooded....
I have pictures taken from my husband's Blackberry - if I get them. They are pretty dark but I think they still show enough of what happened. I don't know what the extent of the damage is but it is bad. This was not a tornado but I do believe we had plough winds (I think they are called Straight winds by some).
The other day, in the city Rush lives they had flooding to one out of every 10 houses - bad flooding, a manhole cover was shot through the floor of a moving city bus. Plus all of the trees and all that was blown over or away.
Clean up has all ready begun as the car dealership that wound up with the majority of one of the buildings' roofs in it got their lot fully cleaned up of debris. All around us, though are reminders of this storm.
I get that it is nothing compared to the storms that some of you get with hurricanes and tornadoes and tsunamis and all those horrific things but for this little prairie town...
I have pictures taken from my husband's Blackberry - if I get them. They are pretty dark but I think they still show enough of what happened. I don't know what the extent of the damage is but it is bad. This was not a tornado but I do believe we had plough winds (I think they are called Straight winds by some).
The other day, in the city Rush lives they had flooding to one out of every 10 houses - bad flooding, a manhole cover was shot through the floor of a moving city bus. Plus all of the trees and all that was blown over or away.
Clean up has all ready begun as the car dealership that wound up with the majority of one of the buildings' roofs in it got their lot fully cleaned up of debris. All around us, though are reminders of this storm.
I get that it is nothing compared to the storms that some of you get with hurricanes and tornadoes and tsunamis and all those horrific things but for this little prairie town...
But it won't come off
Me: Jellybean? What is taking you so long in the shower, honey?
Jellybean: I couldn't get the temperature right. It was too hot or too cold... Oh yeah, and it took me a long time to wash my feet. It didn't seem like they were gonna come clean. But then {sheepish grin} I realized it was just my tan...
Jellybean: I couldn't get the temperature right. It was too hot or too cold... Oh yeah, and it took me a long time to wash my feet. It didn't seem like they were gonna come clean. But then {sheepish grin} I realized it was just my tan...
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