Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A place to hang on to

for some is grief.  We all do it - some just hang on longer.  It seems the longer we hold onto the grief, the longer we think we are holding on to the one we have lost.

I don't say this out of judgement towards anyone because we are all at different places in our lives with different strengths and different abilites and coping skills. I say this because 11 years ago tomorrow, my youngest brother-in-law was killed in a car accident.  When I think about it, I still remember the feeling I got in the pit of my stomach as I answered the phone in those wee hours of the morning, how I knew something was about to happen to alter our lives forever before I even said "hello".

He was 23 years old when his car flipped into a swamp on a very icy Canadian gravel road.  His friend tried to get his seatbelt undone but he couldn't.  He yelled my brother-in-law's head above water for as long as he possibly could before he realized that he desperately needed to run to the neighboring farm in order to get help.  He had to make a decision to let go. It was the hardest decision of his life. 

My in-laws have never, ever gotten over it.  They have pictures of him everywhere in their home - not a single one of their two sons who remain living.  This hurts my husband and his brother immensely (but is not the point).

No parent should EVER have to bury their child - EVER.

My children miss the uncle they have only known through stories and pictures and who Jellybean is named after in one aspect.  They have living uncles who have shown them how wonderful having an uncle is and so, through the love they have and have been given by these two, the kids miss what they have never known.

While this time of year comes up and rears its head as a vicious reminder to my husband of what has been lost, I can say that he doesn't allow that spirit of grief to rule him as I have seen and experienced others do.  We do miss our brother and tomorrow we shall think of him and remember him with much love and fondness and share stories with our children of who he was and the kind of person he was but we can not hang onto the grief... it will do nothing more than eat at any joy we find in our lives because that is how grief operates.

We love you, Peach!

1 comment:

  1. yes, there is a season of grief. but, then there's a time to move on and enjoy life while never forgetting that person.
    i can't imagine what your in-laws have gone through.
    praying for ya'll!