Thursday, November 5, 2009

"Of course I like you; it's because I like you that I can't be with you"

I watched "Finding Nemo" with my family, last night, for the first time since Rush decided to leave us; the night before she decided to grace BigB & I with a "final" good memory.  She figured that the 3 of us would watch "Finding Nemo" together.  It was a great night.  I was totally duped by it.  I thought things were going ok.

Last night I spent most of the movie crying - it just made me think of Rush and how she had the entire movie memorized and how certain parts just reminded me of what we have been enduring - watching your child being pulled away from you until you just can't see anything of them anymore, wanting so desperately to bring them back to you but having no idea how to start, feeling lost, empty and panicked.

I know that it is natural to have grieving moments but I really never imagined that Pixar would be the cause of one of those moments. It took me back to the good times we had with her where she would do something silly and respond with 'yes, I'm a natural blue' or spout off some other of her numerous "Nemo" quotes and it took me back to that last "good time" with her that I was so ignorant of, and back to discovering her gone and her goodbye letter to us that quoted Marlin when he was convincing Dory to leave him, that he wanted to be alone and she was upset: 'Of course I like you; it's because I like you that I can't be with you'.

I guess I don't get it. I guess I don't want to get it.

She doesn't want to be with us but at Thanksgiving she asked to come home.  We, instead went to see her and she was a jerk to us, acting like she was perturbed we were even there.  We left disheartened and heart broken.  Four days later she emailed me, telling me she is taking time off work at Christmas and wants to know if she can come visit. Why on earth would she want to be with us when she can't even treat us nicely? 

Can I be honest? We don't want her here after the way we were treated at Thanksgiving.  We don't want that attitude brought into our house and making the kids that live here feel unwanted in their own home. I do want to spend time with her.

So...maybe I do get it.  Her quote that is.  I love her and I do want to be with her but I don't love who she has become.  Make sense?  And maybe if  we show her tough love...?

I will quit rambling.  Sorry.


  1. I wish I could give you a magic answer that would make everything better. My heart aches for you! Praying for your family! Hugs!

  2. For the 10 millionth time, I will say, I am so happy that I am not currently the mother of teenagers, and that I have time to "get" there.

    I can only imagine the torment and struggle this is for you. ((Hugs))

    So my question is, have you told her that? that you don't want the attitude in your home? can that be a condition of her coming for Christmas? Does she maybe feel hurt that you don't/didn't want her there and thus the tude at Tday? I dunno. Just pondering. With teenagers, it could be a million and one things.

  3. All My Monkeys,
    No, I have not told her that we don't want the attitude in our home. Why? Honestly, I have been too chicken that it would drive her further away from us. I do realize that I need to stop being driven by her; I am the parent whether she chooses to recognize me as such or not; I need to quit being a baby.

    As far as it being a condition for her coming home, I don't know...a few things. I don't know if it would change things. I don't know if it would matter. I don't know if hubby would agree to it or not at this time. BigB would be home the entire time to monitor but... We also feel that, from comments she has made (not to us) on facebook that she is really only wanting to come here on our dime so she can visit with some of her old, not-so-hot influencing friends and not really to be with us (other than to stroke her own ego that she did that for us, her poor hurting family).

    She doesn't know that we didn't and don't want her here but instead thinks that Grandma had previously invited us to their house. It could however, still be a reason she was attitudey. You are right, with teenagers, you never know.

    Thanks for your questions and for getting me to think.

    Thanks to both of you ladies for your hugs and support. Usually after typing the bad, I feel a bit better...getting off my chest so to speak helps. So please know that I am not spending my time super depressed it goes as quickly as it comes.

    I appreciate all of the ladies who read here and offer me support and hope and pray that my words can or have done the same for you!

  4. Ang, thanks for stopping by.. Yes indeed greator is He who is in us :)

    Let me tell you this;

    Yesterday at the blog frog forum (i think at five minutes for mom or the other one i can't remember the name) i saw a post you left there asking for prayer because your daughter had ran away. I then read your update as to where she was and what not..Now when i come here and read this post i am drawn to prayer for you and your family. As i hit post comment i will enter in prayer and will add you to my prayer book..

    God Bless you an build you up with strength...

  5. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you and your family. It really makes me sad that I can't "fix" your heart or stop it from being broken. My daddy always said, "when kids are babies, they'll walk on their toes...when they're older, they'll walk on your heart." How I wish that wasn't so true. Smiles and hugs to you:) I will keep you all in my prayers:)