Tuesday, December 8, 2009

You gotta keep 'em separated it complicated

Oh yes, yesteday got worse.  I could not imagine that it would have but it most certainly did.

Rush called last night.  She never said hello to me or anything, just asked if her dad was there.  He was at school so she had no choice but to talk to me.  We talked for 45 minutes and I found out a few things that sent me over the edge.  There is a lot of background inof to my reaction and I will try to explain it without making this the longest post in history.

Rush is not coming to our house, even though we were in the midst of plans, for Christmas.  Why?  She is going to my mother's, who, by the way, knew that we were just waiting to hear back from Rush as to whether she was coming for sure or not.  I know she knows this, even though she claims she never knew because I told her when she asked what was going on.

Apparently PB&J have talked with Rush about wanting to have kids in a while and possibly moving in a couple years so she can't saty there forever.  My mother took that opportunity, which she has been working for the whole time, to take Rush into her house.  Since Rush left my mother has been constantly calling her, buying her things like cell phones and winter jackets and paying her for good marks.  (Have I mentioned she doesn't do this for the other kids?  Any of them?)

Ever since Rush was born my mom has been trying to act like her mom, taking her on trips with her and my step-dad.  When I left my first husband, I mived in with my mom for almost 2 months to get back on my feet.  She never allowed me the opportunity to be my daughter's mom and would tell my three-year old daughter to come to them in the morning.  She is all about manipulation and twisting things to make it seem innocent.

Well, she has succeeded.  She has now got my daughter - the daughter she wanted.  You see, at the time Rush was born my mother was hoping that she and my step-dad could reverse her tubal and have a baby of their own.  Guess who was their replacement.

She has also spent much of her life trying to "make up" to us kids the fact that she left us (emotionally a couple times and then finally physically) and my brother and I would have no part of it. She has since decided she needs to make herself feel better by trying to do this with our chidren; my brother and I wouldn't allow it but now she has what she always wanted - my daughter.

I know I sound bitter and jaded.  I am and I am trying to work through it all.  This wound is so fresh and new - having ripped wide open the scars from before - and to be honest, I just don't know how to let this one go...

She, my mother, has just complicated things even farther and by rewarding Rush for good marks (and none of her other grandchildren) or buying her things that she all ready had but wanted better or just left behind when she ran away, she is showing Rush and the other chidren that they get rewarded for dishonoring their parents and for running away. 

I know it says in the Bible you need to forgive and I have each and every time she has ripped open the scar and I will continue to forgive her but, where do I draw the line?  Do I continue to be an active part of this woman's life or do I just forgive her, yet again, move on and without her in my life for now?  Where do I draw the line between what is simply an interferring woman with her own agenda and one who is willfully hurting her other grandchildren and I need to shelter them from that?

3 comments:

  1. Goodness... I don't even know what to say to this. It sounds like a horribly hurtful, complicated and messy situation. What your mother is doing [and has done in the past] is completely unacceptable. I'm shocked she's trying to make up for past transgressions by feeding into Rush's bad behavior. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling!

    Remember to stay strong throughout this. You are an incredible woman and will work through all of the emotions, ups and downs and new surprises. Remember to make this a strong lesson for your other children and hopefully they will avoid this same path as Rush in the future.

    I wish I could reach out to you in a more tangible way. Please know I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers. You deserve only the best, and not this trying time, especially at the holidays. You know where to find me if you ever need to vent!
    xoxox.

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  2. Thank you SO much! You have no idea how much your words, and your friendliness, mean to me! I am so glad to have "met" you and to be getting to know you as a friend!

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  3. (((hugs))) sorry I've been a little absent lately, but I will try and respond more soon. I'm so sorry for your trials and will keep you in prayer.

    With love and hope,
    Cheryl

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