Wednesday, October 14, 2009

On a Sunday afternoon

this past Sunday afternoon to be exact, I was able to spend some time with all but two of my children. LilB stayed in KC,MO and Tuff ended up having to work.

It was my first time seeing Rush since she left and I cried on and off that morning - not knowing what to expect. She walked in, never said hello to me, never looked at me, nothing...other than plopping herself down on MIL's couch and grunting at us all.


The beginning of our time with the kids was spent with us trying to respond to Rush in love as she spoke to us quite rudely, arrogantly and, in all actuality, like a jerk. She kept calling her little brother and sister "kid" and spoke to them like they were pions. She kept acting like she was so incredibly happy and her life was so incredibly great could tell that a lot of it was forced. We know she was just tring to hurt us and so, we tried not to take the bait.

I did have to leave the room and the Thanksgiving Dinner table a few times to catch tears that formulated their escape plan without my consent and I really did NOT want her to see me cry.

At one point she did move from the couch she was sitting on to a chair that was very close to me. I like to see that as a good sign. I like to see that as progress.

We did have fun and laughter but a lot of it seemed forced and awkward. I will admit to bawling like a baby the minute the apartment door closed them into the hallway as the kids were leaving. I was hurt by her tremendously: the way she talked to me, the coldness in the hug I asked her for when she was leaving, the way she treated and spoke to her little brother and sister.

I feel like a terrible mom for saying this but, after having had a "break" from her and then seeing her again and her treatment of us (especially the kids), I am almost glad that she doesn't live with us. It would not fair for Jellybean and Bug to have to live in the environment and atmosphere she was creating.

On that note, here are some of the fun and funnish times we did manage to have...
(Sorry for the poor quality of some of the pictures, we had "help" - ahem - taking some of the pictures)
Jellybean reading her "101 School Jokebook" to Rush and BabyK

...evidently it was a groaner, or she just got the joke. {Grin}

Bug attack...

Jellybean sharing more of her jokes with BabyK

Rush playing thumb wrestlers with Bug (these toys were the kids' uncle's from 1980-something; they really enjoy playing with them as their uncle was killed in a car accident a few years ago and they feel "connected" to him)

Bug loves Pb&J SO very much! (Just look at that expression as he looks up at J)

Showing us her Learner's License

So, there it was, on a Sunday afternoon, that I learned and had to accept the fact that perhaps the welfare of the two youngest children is better now that Rush has decided to leave our house. I had to accept the fact that Rush has chosen to dislike us for whatever reason but I refuse to accept that it will stay this way! I will NOT give up my girl and I have faith that one day (soon) she will be my girl again. Right now, she just doesn't want to be...

...and that hurts so very much - it is unbearable.


  1. That would be such a hard thing to go through and you seem to be doing it with such grace. May God bless you as you walk through this.

  2. Praying for you! I heard Beth Moore talk about how we have to "kill 'em with kindness" even when we are being wronged and let God take care of the rest. You are doing great. I hope things turn around soon!

  3. Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment! EVERYONE loves comments, right? Hope you drop in again soon. I LOVE meeting new people! I've been reading up on your blog and you have a beautiful (and rather BIG might I add) family. Bet there's never a dull moment for you, huh? Great to meet you. I look forward to visiting with you again soon!

  4. Not knowing your story I don't want to butt in, but I will say that teenagers are strange beings and she may come around in time. I hope so!

  5. Hi Rachel, I don't mind you "butting in". Nice to see you here. I went to go to your blog but following your link on your name doesn't look like you have one...

    Thanks for all the comments and input ladies.

  6. Wow...this line got me:

    "catch tears that formulated their escape plan without my consent".

    That is put so eloquently.

    I am glad you came out of lurkdom. I am glad you gave me the chance to know you are here.

    I will be back and I will keep Rush in my thoughts. I understand about letting, in a different kind of way. It hurts my heart, but your strength and love are apparent.

  7. I'm so sorry it is so hard but at least you got to spend some time with your girl. It sounds like having her live separately right now is working out for everyone, so perhaps it is a blessing. Not easy, but not the worst thing, ya know? I hope it gets easier once again for you and the rest of the family.