Thursday, October 8, 2009

Pardon me, ma'am but there seems to be an elephant on your chest

I am feeling overwhelmed - have been for a while now but this week especially. You see my husband is out of town every second week working and every other week he is in school during the evenings. He is never here, other than weekends; it has been this way since 2 days before Rush ran away from home, and I am exhausted.

My house is a disaster. Until tonight my kitchen counters were horrendous, and let's not even talk about what the kitchen floor looked like. I have a laundry pile that is growing more and more vicious as each day goes by, and all I have been able to do is was, dry and throw in the laundry hamper to await folding. I have a babysitting manual that needs to be done, proofread and sent for leadership approval and ready to be printed and put in book form for October 17 which I was supposed to be teaching at but...I got a call from the hospital the other day and accepted a shift in ICU (ward clerk) for that day - totally not realizing it was the 17th this soon.

I started moving our bedroom things from the room we are in now to Rush's old room and my room looks...well, it is indescribable.

I am overwhelmed. I am working, trying to do the parenting of two parents, cleaning, cooking and "renovating" and arguing with Rush (witout trying to argue with her) to find out why she ran away from home. She won't tell me and now, won't respond to my emails after I told her that she never gave us any reasons for her running away like she said she did and that all she did was run away from everything under the cover of night.

She won't talk to me and we are going to see her this weekend for Thanksgiving. It's been six weeks and I guess I just don't know anymore. I just feel incredibly overwhelmed.

I know it will get better and I know it is just the day and I know it is the end of a week where BigB has been gone and my list just goes on and on.

I am done rambling and am contemplating not posting this because it is so whiny and pitiful and full of me, me, me, I, I, I.
Please accept my apologizies for this pathetic post and know that once I am done this manual and the room is back to being able to walk in it I will feel much better.
Off to put some worsip music on and think about someone other than myself...


  1. As someone told me with my 'complaining' post the other day about my lack of sleep - 'that's what blogs are for'. Write your hearts desire. If anything, it just makes us feel better. If people don't want to read, then they can click away. I hope things get better, housework gets less, energy comes back and that you can enjoy your time this weekend and get some much needed answers.

  2. Thanks Kari. You know you must be tired and overwhelmed when you can read a comment left on your blog and burst into tears just because you just really needed to have someone to kings know how you were feeling.

    Thanks... :)

  3. I second the "that's what blogs are for" motion!!! If not here, where else can you put your thoughts down...and read and re-read them....I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed!

  4. I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed right now. My husband worked two jobs after our 3rd baby was born and I remember being so tired and lonely and crying washing baby bottles late at night. My baby nurse made me do a postnatal depression questionaire which I scored Fairly poorly in. She then made my husband do it and he did worse than me! I think it just showed that we were both under stress. Things improved in time. The kitchen counters got cleared. The bottles got washed and the ironing mountain shrunk. A repeat of the questionaire a few months later we both got flying colours. I think I am trying to say (in a longeinded way!) that everyone feels overwhelmed now and again. You have good reason to. Hopefully things will improve and when the 17th deadline passes you will feel lighter. In the meantime this is YOUR blog. Write, moan, throw a tantrum if you like! No one can stop you! I hope things improve soon xo

  5. Hang in there! You are going through so much right now, but you are strong and resourceful and you will get through this. It is always hard to really look beyond things when we're in the moment, but we all know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and when we get there and look back, we can all have a good chuckle. :)

    I hope your weekend is relaxing!! Sounds like you need a nice bubble bath. :)

    And don't worry about "complaining"... we all do it! And we are all here to listen to you.

  6. I just wrote quite a long response to your blog posting and then lost the whole thing! UGH! I wish I was better at this computer thing.

    In make all of us out here in blogland feel "normal" as we can all relate at times to feeling overwhelmed and, speaking for myself, I wonder if I'm going to be able to get through another day if I continue on the same path.

    May we all feel God's peace and presence.
    With love and hope,