That's me - in the ditch.

These two aren't doing nearly as well with DD2 leaving as they like to pretend they are.

DD4 has meltdowns for "no reason". She has been in the middle of asking her teacher a question and has burst into tears. We have been walking in the grocery store buying groceries and she erupts in tears. Not just little tears that stream down her beautiful face but tears that seem to come from her toes - heartbreaking, gut-wrenching tears.

DS3 has been wetting the bed every night since DD2 left. Every night. I am sure I have worn his sheets out washing them every day for the last 21 days.

21 days. That's how long it takes to make or break a habit. 21 days without my girl. 21 days without their sister. 21 days of guarding my heart. I need to break down these walls I have put up that God may get in there and pour in His oil and wine, that I may be healed fully.

We had a sermon a few weeks ago now that spoke volumes to me. Pastor said that the church has misinterpreted the parable of the Good Samaritan. People keep striving to be the Good Samaritan as we have been taught for years and years that that is who we are to be. The only thing is, we were never told to be the Good Samaritan. Jesus is the Good Samaritan coming to bring life to the half-dead, the man who was beaten and left for dead in the ditch. That man is the church. That man is my children. That man is me. We are the man in the ditch, waiting for Jesus to come rescue us, to pour in His oil & wine, to care for us. And He has come to us; I think though, out of my fear of how much the healing process will hurt, I have put up this barrier where I only let Him in so far to deal with just so much.

I need to let go and just let Him do what He needs to do - quickly, like ripping a bandaid off. God, I need You to come. To pour in Your oil and wine. To bring wholeness and restoration! God release this burden that I feel! Annihilate the grief and the heaviness that has settled on my spirit.