Thoughts

It's a hard day today and I am not going to pretend that it isn't.  Today Rush moved in with my mom and step-dad in a town an hour and half away.  Things weren't didn't work out quite the way she wanted or hoped at her sister's house (an hour and a half the other direction) and so, Rush is moving into, yet another person's house. 

I had hoped that when this happened that she would realize she belonged here.  I had hoped that she would find her way home again.  I had hoped for my girl back.  But, for now, that hope has not been realized.  For now.

I still have that hope. 

I can't lie and say that it doesn't hurt my heart or that I haven't had to fight from crying at work all day or that once home, the tears erupted and have yet to quit. I can't lie and say that I don't feel slightly jealous of other people I know whose daughters have returned to them (even though the biggest part of me is reoicing for them, part of me wonders 'why can't that be me and my daughter').  

So yes, there is pain.  

 Perhaps she will never again live in my house; that is not for me to know right now.