We had a huge thunderstorm last night; huge! One like I haven't seen in a few years. It was powerful and it was intense!
The thunder was crashing and the lightning cut through the night, and then it came, like a completion of the sky personifying exactly what I feel; the sky opened up and wept - a gut wrenching cry. And as it wept, I felt a release like when I was in high school standing at the top of the train bridge pouring out my heart's cries in the safety of a storm just like this. The odd thing was there was a stillness just before the sky broke open and allowed the rain to fall, like the heaviness just before a tornado.
It's not gone; the grief that is, but there was a release.
I feel like I am being tossed in the relentless waves of the ocean right now, in the wake of a storm. To and fro. To and fro. Flailing like a rag doll. Going under, being thrown around but I must fight.
I am sure the disciples felt much like this during their storm and I think they were just about to admit defeat when Jesus came and stilled the water. I admit defeat. I can't do it. I need Jesus to come, to still the waters.
I cried most of the night last night during that storm and awoke to a beautiful, sunny day. The Bible does say that joy cometh in the morning and that our mourning shall turn to gladness. It also says that we will get back what has been stolen from us at maximum return. I am banking on that. I am counting on the sorrow being replaced by joy(multiplied). I am holding God true to His word because I know that He does not lie! His promises are yes and amen.
FYI: I hate the "ugly cry" hangover. You don't know what the ugly cry is? You know, that cry that comes from your toes, that makes your face screw right up, the one where it controls you and not you it? You all know there's a cute cry, a not-so-cute cry and the ugly cry. I spent the night doing the ugly cry and the ugly cry hangover is worse than any alcohol related hangover I remember having as a young person - way worse!