Tuesday, August 25, 2009

T Minus DD2 Day 6

Today was a hard day for me emotionally; I did wake up ok but, as the day progressed, and I did the few things that needed to be done, it got worse. I called Child Tax to let them know DD2 isn't with us anymore; my brain went numb and I couldn't remember my S.I.N. so they wouldn't help me. I had spent a total of 2 hours trying to call them today. Needless to say I hung up the phone mentaly drained by my conversation with them that resulted in nothing getting done until I get them my number.

Then I got the call from my "friend" that I mentioned earlier. It left me in tears and heartbroken. A real friend wouldn't disrespect me that way and it wouldn't be all about them either. I realized just how selfish they really are. I mean, I realized it before and have talked to her about it before but, I never really understood the depths of it before. They have somehow turned DD2 running away ALL. ABOUT. THEM! Since when does that affect them, other than needing to find someone else to look after her responsibility when she wants to do whatever?

I had a very lovely surprise tonight from some very dear friends of ours. Tonight there was a wedding shower for one of our friends; DH is out of town and I couldn't find a sitter so I made plans to do some snuggling with my kids. We ate supper: leftover hashbrown bake with McDonald's cheeseburgers. (Yes, I went though the drive through for cheeseburgers instead of cooking something to go with the hashbrown bake! There is nothing wrong with that {GRIN}) and were snuggling when the phone rang. My friend, Shar was wondering when I was leaving for the shower; so, I explained it all to her, said my "goodbyes" and resumed snuggling. Her husband offered to watch the kids for me so I could go and just "have some fun". He sent me off with a hug and with one of those "dad" looks that he gives me - the kind that you know he is looking right into your heart knowing exactly what you are feeling and thinking. So, we had fun.

I saw DD2's best friend there; she is hurting too. I don't know if DD2 really understood that magnitude of people that would be affected and wounded by her decision, and her lack of desire to be with them. DD2 has another friend, a deaf friend, who is heart broken the DD2 won't be there at school anymore. She has asked her mom, 'what am I going to do?'. DD2 was the one who would sign for her, translate for her and spent hours getting Laura to teach her more words so she can communicate better with her. She feels she will be lost this year.

It seems strange in our house; there's a huge void. Her lack of being there is quite noticable. The anger that seemed to fill our house, though, is gone too. I still want things to be like they were last Christmas before everything seemed to change. For my daughter to be with me...that will never change.

We have been hoping to go on a family trip this winter. It was somewhere I really wanted to go with DD2, something I know she & I would really enjoy. It won't be the same without her...

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